Negligence
by CPDRuzekFan
Summary: An AU story. It's a strange story in a way because it's not really Upzek nor is it Burzek it's almost in relationship purgatory stuck between the two pairings , but I hope you'll give it a chance. It's going to be an emotional one. Profanity used throughout story.
1. Chapter 1

Adam couldn't ignore the date, and the large calendar on his desk made sure of it. Six years on and it still hurt like hell, Al was always on his mind but most days he was on the back burner, but this week Al had been front and center and, it was the anniversary of his death.

He had to take a deep breath and place his hand over the date, as if that would make the pain go away, or make him forget. He still carried a fair bit of guilt over his role in all of it, but more than anything he regretted that he never had the chance to make things right with Al.

He had been a miserable son of a bitch for a long time, he had made some questionable decisions, took unnecessary risks, he wasn't proud of himself in those days. He had treated people like shit, and hurt those he cared about.

Hooking up with Hailey Upton was without a doubt the biggest mistake he had ever made, it had been wrong on so many levels. Back then he just didn't give two shits, it was fun and there were no expectations. It was something he couldn't fuck up. All of his shit decisions had stemmed from some misguided belief that he didn't deserve to be happy, that he should've been the one who went to jail and the one who was killed.

Adam wasn't the only one who struggled.

Kevin had a rough go of it, he had compromised his own integrity when he had hooked up with a woman involved in a case and then played a role in sending her to prison. He wasn't proud of it, and she wasn't an innocent but he should never have slept with her.

Burgess fell prey to Commander Brennan, she had allowed the woman to get in her head and it got pretty messy but thankful Burgess was able to rise above it and made it right.

Antonio spiraled and ended up hooked on pain pills, he and Adam had been at each other's throats for awhile, it had gotten ugly. After Eva was kidnapped and shit went seriously sideways for Antonio, Adam stepped up and took the heat for Antonio's role in Rizzo's death.

They all feared for Adam, afraid he'd end up in prison. Thankfully it didn't come to that, no one really knew how it played out and they didn't care. Adam had been cleared of any wrong doing, and was reinstated after a brief suspension and an investigation that seemed to barely last the blink of an eye.

Shortly afterwards Adam and Hailey's relationship became public, it had shocked them all and it was pretty tense for a bit.

In hindsight Adam would've done it differently, he wouldn't have done it that night they were all having a few drinks at Molly's after a particularly rough case. He had pulled Kim aside and was pretty blunt about it, he told her he was seeing someone and that it was Hailey.

Kim was clearly stunned by the news and was rendered speechless, Adam shrugged his shoulders and left her standing slack jawed at the bar.

It took a few months for the tension between Kim, Adam, and Hailey to dissipate. Kim and Adam had little to do with each other for a really long time, Adam hated that he had hurt her.

It had confused the hell out of him and in hindsight, it was the beginning of the end of his relationship with Hailey.

Kevin had questioned Adam's state of mind, the relationship never sat well with him. It was hard for him to not give Adam his two cents, he knew Adam wasn't over Kim nor was she over him, but they both seemed content to leave things as they stood. It infuriated Kevin, but he knew he needed to stay out of it, he just wanted his best friends to be happy and he knew that neither one was as happy as they wanted everyone to think they were.

It was a clusterfuck as far as Kevin was concerned. How was he the only one who could see just how fucked up it was? He for one would never hook up with someone he worked with, he had witnessed the demise of Adam and Kim's relationship and then Jay and Erin's. It baffled him that Adam was willing go down that path again.

It wasn't long before Adam and Hailey split, they had lasted about eight or nine months before they both realized they weren't happy and they'd been trying to force it. They were different people, they'd never work together as a couple, Hailey was a very black and white person, she walked the straight and narrow. Her moral code was very straight forward and left no wiggle room.

Adam was the opposite, he saw the grey areas. The means always justified the end, and he was willing to cross lines if it would lead to an arrest. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he wasn't afraid to show his emotions outwardly, Hailey preferred to keep it under wraps often coming off as a bitch.

Within weeks of their split Hailey discovered she was pregnant and that was when things really went to shit.

She wasn't sure she wanted to go through with the pregnancy and Adam made it clear he wanted her to do so.

Hailey transferred out of the 21st and had fallen off the radar a bit, Adam was beside himself when she went silent for a bit. He was terrified she'd terminate the pregnancy against his wishes. He knew ultimately it was her choice but he felt he deserved to have a say in the matter, thankfully his fears were unfounded.

She showed up at his apartment one morning and assured him that she wasn't going to terminate the pregnancy and that they'd figure out a way to co-parent.

She was now working out of the 28th district and working VICE from a desk.

Hailey had tried to pursue a relationship with Jay but he had shot her down almost immediately. He briefly contemplated it but he couldn't do it, it was far too messy for his liking. It was just one more thing that her relationship with Adam had ruined for her.

It had pissed Hailey off, as far as she was concerned she and Adam were finished. She couldn't wrap her around the fact that somebody would sacrifice their own happiness for some misguided sense of loyalty.

Hailey's pregnancy had been uneventful but doctors appointments were tense, Adam had gone to as many as he could and the tension was palpable.

Their baby girl was born two weeks early weighing in at five pounds eight ounces, a bit on the small side of things but otherwise healthy.

Adam had fallen in love with her the second the doctor placed her in his arms, she was the smallest little human he had ever laid eyes on. She was clearly pissed off with her new surroundings. Her screams were shrill but he didn't care, she was his baby girl.

She was absolutely perfect.

For a few brief minutes nothing else mattered, all he cared about was his daughter. Hailey had made it clear that she didn't want visitors the day she delivered and Adam had been irritated by her request. He was quick to change his mind though, it was nice having it just be him and Hailey with the baby.

They hadn't gotten much right throughout their relationship but their baby was perfect and they enjoyed keeping her to themselves for a little bit.

Sadly that first day had been the easiest part of being co-parents, they seemed to struggle with every decision from that point on. Even naming the baby had been difficult, coming up with a name they both loved had been impossible. Adam backed off and allowed Hailey to name the baby, she had picked Cassandra Marie. It was a mouthful of a name and while Adam didn't love it, he didn't hate it either.

When Hailey was filling out the paperwork for Cassandra's birth certificate he noticed that Upton had been written down as the last name. Adam spoke up and demanded that the baby have his last name, and was willing to compromise by hyphenating it.

Cassandra Marie Upton-Ruzek.

Cassandra's first year of life was rough for her parents. Adam struggled with caring for an infant on his own, he was clueless when it came to infants and he relied on his beloved Aunt Tricia. She spent a lot of time at Adam's house when it was his week with Cassie.

Hailey was a nervous wreck when Adam had Cassie, she was constantly checking in and it drove Adam crazy. As Cassie grew Adam hoped Hailey would settle a bit, she didn't. Cassie growing up only brought on more concerns for Hailey, she knew Adam was capable of caring for their daughter but she couldn't help but worry if he was taking all the necessary safety precautions. He was a big kid himself and that concerned her, she worried he wouldn't supervise her when she was playing, that he'd allow her to take part in risky play. She worried that he childproof his house, and he was a bit careless and too laid back for her liking.

When Cassie was about two years old they seemed to hit their groove, they had nailed out a week on week off custody agreement and had divided up the major holidays and came up with a plan for Birthdays. They had decided that Cassie would spend Mother's Day with Hailey and Father's Day with Adam.

Adam and Hailey had even developed a civil relationship, they both wanted the same thing, a happy and healthy daughter.

Cassie was just a few weeks shy of her fifth birthday and she was happy as could be. She was a spunky little thing, she wanted to know the ins and outs of everything. She was always singing and dancing, a smile was permanently plastered on her face. She had Hailey's eyes but aside from that she was all Ruzek.

Adam grabbed the framed photo that sat prominently on his desk, it was taken last summer at his pop's lake house. Cassie was sitting in his lap her face contorted in a ridiculously silly expression, his pops stood behind them pulling a similar face while he smiled for the camera. It still made him chuckle, his girl was a joker and never missed an opportunity to ham it up for the camera.

He could hear an increase in chatter coming up the stairs and he knew it meant it was almost time to go home, he returned the frame to its place on the desk and closed the file he'd been working on. He intentionally covered the calendar once more in efforts to clear his head.

"We are done." Kevin announced, "you up for drinks?" He asked Adam, "I know you're picking Miss Priss up tomorrow so I'll go easy on you."

Adam shrugged, "I dunno man, I need to go grocery shopping..."

Kevin's boisterous laugh cut him off, "Sun hasn't even set, you're not a fucking grandpa, come have a beer with me. I'm in serious need of a wingman. Once I hook a honey you can bail and hit up the grocery store.."

"I'm..."

Kevin waved his hand around, "Ruz, you've gone soft on me. I'm going to need you to come have one drink with me, then you can leave. One drink, that's all I'm asking."

They rarely hung out just the two of them anymore. Adam wouldn't go out on his weekends with Cassie, on the weekends he didn't have her he would pick up extra shifts, making it possible for him to work limited nights when he had Cassie.

Adam thought it over and he had to be honest he missed knocking a few back with Kevin, "Alright..Alright if you're going to whine about it I'll go. One drink and you're buying. Little Miss Priss is expensive."

"Thank you." Kevin clapped him on the back, "It'll be like the days of old, Atwater and Ruzek ride again..."

 _ **Surprise! I'm back with a new story! This will be an emotional one, and it's not really an Upzek story nor is it a Burzek story. As it stands now it's a Ruzek and Upton story but who knows where it will lead...**_

 _ **Well, I do.**_

 _ **Hopefully you'll give this a chance**_.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mommy!" Cassie giggled as she ran down the stairs, "Save me Mommy!" She threw herself at her mother, winded and in the midst of hysterical laughter, "Donnie's gonna get me!" She burrowed herself into her mother's side.

Hayley wrapped her up in her arms, "I won't let him get you baby girl" She waved her boyfriend of two years away, "Go away, Donovan."

"No fair" Donovan sulked, "You two are snuggling, you know I like to get in on that." He folded his arms across his chest his mouth curved downwards, "Please let me snuggle too!"

Cassie peaked out from behind her mother's arm, "You promise not to tickle me?"

"I do." Donovan was quick to reply, "cross my heart."

"Okay..." Cassie scooted over so Donovan could sit with them, "I'm happy you came over."

"Me too kiddo..." Donovan tousled her dirty blonde hair, he was never a big fan of kids but Cassie was unlike any kid he'd ever met before. She was pretty special and so was her mom.

Though it hadn't started off that way, he had met Hailey on the job. They were working a case together and he'd been paired up with the local police. He was the low man on the totem pole, he'd been with the DEA for just over a year at the time and it meant he was stuck with the grunt work.

He was attracted to her the minute he laid eyes on her, but he felt like she struggled just to tolerate him. He had asked her multiple times to grab a drink after work with him and each time she shut him down. He kept at it though, the case had been complicated and a long one and over time he wore her down.

She hadn't been easy to get close to but he never backed down from a challenge, she was under his skin and he was going to get her to give him a chance. That's all he wanted, he was confident that was all he needed.

Hailey finally stopped fighting him, she opened up to him a few months after they started dating she filled him in on her fears and insecurities. She talked about her relationship with Adam and how screwed up she had been at time. It had been a mistake from that first night and it had been why she was reluctant to have a drink with him, she had been afraid to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Donovan had learned a lot about her night, he had to wait another six months before he was introduced to Cassie. When they finally met they had hit it off and Hailey felt the weight of the world lift off her shoulders.

Hailey Upton had finally gotten it right.

For once her life was trending in the right direction.

Kevin popped the tops off of two beers and handed one to Adam before he sat down, "What time are you picking Miss Priss up?" Molly's had been a bust, closed for a private party so they headed to Adam's place and he tossed a couple of steaks on the grill. Kevin was bummed he wasn't chasing the ladies, but he enjoyed hanging out with Adam.

Adam shrugged, "After lunch, she's going to a birthday party with Hailey and Donovan." He wasn't thrilled with the idea of a later pick up but he knew the party was important to Cassie.

"The cat from the DEA? You like him?" Kevin asked.

"That's him" Adam tilted his to the side a bit, "He's a bit of a prick. He's arrogant, thinks his shit doesn't stink. He's got a criminal justice degree he likes to remind people of that but yet he's still the bottom rung of the ladder, he's a big talker, a one upper. Cassie likes him though, so I guess that's all that matters, right?"

Adam could barely stand the sight of the man.

Donovan was a one upper, he was constantly tooting his own horn, he wanted everyone to know what he did for a living, and he was show off. He made sure everyone know he was well off, that he drove a sports car and was a brand whore. Donovan had even taken a few pot shots at him, "He is quick to point out that they pick up our slack, they solve the cases we can't, the cases were not smart enough to figure out. As long as he does right by my daughter, I don't give a shit about him." He had to admit that he wanted to give the guy one serious beating, just to knock him off his high horse but he wasn't going to do that to his kid, kicking Donovan's ass just one time would be seriously therapeutic but it would never happen.

"I can't believe she's with him still, I can't stand coppers like him. He sits behind a desk while cops like us bust our asses. He only shows up when the cameras come out." Kevin kicked his feet up on the porch railing, "You gonna get back in the game?"

"What game?" It was a silly question, he had a fair idea of what he meant. He had dated for a bit, and had been in a relationship. He had met Rae DiSanto while at the DMV they'd been stuck in line together for well over and hour and ended up exchanging phone numbers. Rae had made the first move and it ignited something within him. They had a lot of fun and she couldn't wait to meet Cassie.

After a few months Adam invited Rae over for dinner, he hadn't told Rae that Cassie was there, he wanted to let it happen organically. He didn't want Rae showing up with gifts for his kid, he wanted the meeting to be spur of the moment he didn't want Rae to overthink it or come up some elaborate plan to get close to Cassie.

He was nervous as hell he had dated a few women but he never felt the need to have any of them meet Cassie and Rae was the first to meet his daughter.

It was a bit awkward at first but Cassie and Rae bonded over nail polish and lip gloss, leaving Adam to his own devices.

After a few months Adam felt things shift. Rae became more invested in their relationship than he was, perhaps more than he had every been invested. She had pressed him on why he was holding back from her, and he couldn't give her a solid answer.

That had been the beginning of the end. It wasn't long before she announced she was moving back to the west coast to be closer to her parents, they were getting older and she had a younger brother with Down Syndrome who was struggling a bit, it felt like the right time to go home and then even more so when things with Adam had stalled out.

Cassie had taken it hard and was crushed to learn Rae was moving, it killed Adam to listen to her cry as Rae explained it all to her. Adam appreciated that Rae had taken the time to talk to Cassie. For weeks afterwards Cassie would beg to FaceTime Rae, and every time Rae was gracious enough to agree, what had been a weekly FaceTime call slowly dwindled and after a few months it died out completely.

"Rae's been gone for a year man, don't you think it's time to get back out there?" Kevin asked.

"You're starting to sound like my Pops." Adam laughed.

"Cassie was crushed when Rae left, I don't think I can put her through that again."

Kevin saw an opening, "Burgess is single." He never passed up an opportunity to remind Adam of Kim's relationship status.

"Don't go there Kev. Been there done that and had my heartbroken I'm not doing that again. Not to my heart and definitely not Cassandra's heart."

He held his hands up in defeat, "Adam, I had to say it. The two of you haven't been in a relationship with anyone longer than a year, you two work best when you're together. I don't know what happened to fuck it all up but I'm tired of seeing my best friends settling for someone or even worse choosing to be alone." He had liked Rae but he knew Adam wasn't as into her as she would've liked, "Rae was great, she was a sweetheart but you weren't all in."

"Yeah I was, it just didn't work out." Adam wasn't all that convincing, "Cassie is all I need."

"Cass is awesome. She's incredible but she can't be it for you." Kevin was sitting on the edge of his seat, "Adam, c'mon man."

Adam ran his hands over his head, "I'm not having this conversation, you're killing my buzz." He just wanted to relax for the night, he had no desire to hash out his love life or lack thereof, "Please Kevin just drop it."

"Just let me say this...and then I'll drop it. You need to get out more. I'm not saying you need to start chasing tail but you need to get out of the house, everything you do is for Cassie and when she is with Upton, you're here. In this apartment or you're working. Ya gotta live buddy."

"PJ's on." Hailey guided Cassie into her bedroom, "once you've done that you can pick out a book and Donnie and I will be right up to read with you."

"Can I FaceTime my daddy first?" Cassie clutched her favorite stuffed bunny tightly in her arms, "I miss him so much..."

"You'll see him tomorrow. It's pj time." Hailey grabbed a pair from the dresser, "let's go."

"But I wanna talk to daddy first. I wanna say goodnight and I love you to him." She whined.

Hailey cringed at the sound of her daughter's whine. Adam adored Cassie that was obvious but Hailey took issue with his parenting style, they rarely saw eye to eye on things and it had pissed her off when Adam bought Cassie iPad for Christmas, he bought it despite her asking him to hold off at least another year.

Cassie wasn't happy when Hailey told her the tablet had to stay at her dad's house and that she wouldn't be buying her one, she was left feeling like the bad guy.

Hailey called out to Donovan to bring her cellphone to her, "Okay. You can FaceTime your dad and one book, deal?"

"Thanks mommy." Cassie jumped up and down, she raced to get the phone from Donovan the second he crossed the threshold into her bedroom.

"Ruz!" Kevin grabbed the cellphone from the coffee table, "Miss Priss is calling."

Adam closed the dishwasher and went to retrieve his phone, "Hey Cass my lass.." he beamed when her adorable face filled his screen, "Uncle Kevin is here" Adam tilted the phone a bit so Kevin would appear on the screen.

Cassie grinned from ear to ear, "Hey Uncle Kev! I miss you so much."

"I miss you too Miss Priss. I'll see you soon."

"Promise?"

"I promise Boo Bear. I'm going to go home so you and daddy can talk." Kevin had noticed Donovan and Hailey in the background and it irked him just a bit. He couldn't quite put his finger on exactly what it was that irked him about the situation, maybe it The was ' _perfect little family' vibe_ they had going on or maybe it was the fact that neither one had the decency to duck out of the room during the call.

"Bye Uncle Kevin!" Cassie waved her hand frantically, "Hi daddy..."

"Hi Baby. Did you have a good day today?" Adam asked ignoring Hailey and Donovan's presence in the room, "I've got big plans for the weekend."

"Like what?"

"I thought we'd go to the museum, maybe go the nail salon. How does that sound?"

"Good. I've never been to the museum. Can I pick polish with glitter in it?" Cassie asked him.

"Of course anything for you." Adam could tell Hailey was trying to get Cassie ready for bed, "Hey baby, it's getting late. You should start getting ready for bed. I will see you after your friend's party, okay?"

"It's Lily's party, her daddy works with Donnie. He's a Fed like Donnie, they work together. Donnie says that feds are better than cops, but I don't think so. I think they're both good, don't you daddy?"

"I do. Feds, beat cops, detectives, they're all good." Adam had grown accustomed to comments like that, little snide remarks that he knew Donovan had said in front of Cassie. It was petty as hell, Donovan said them in hopes that Cassie would repeat them to Adam. "I love you sweet girl."

"I love you too daddy. I'm gonna press the red button now, okay?"

"Sweet dreams."

Adam tossed the phone on the table as soon as the screen faded to black. He exhaled slowly and leaned back against the couch, co-parenting a kid was fucking hard he constantly felt as if he was being judged for his choices.

Hailey ran a tight ship, she was ' _that mom'_ the one who didn't want her kid to have too much sugar, or allowed to watch tv, electronics were a no go. Hailey felt she was the ' _perfect_ ' mother, and made all the right choices.

Adam groaned a bit in frustration going down that path would lead nowhere, instead he hopped off the couch and straightened up. The weeks he didn't have Cassie he slacked on his no work at home stance, case files still littered his kitchen table including crime scene photos, mugshots and witness statements from their current cast. There was no way in hell he'd leave them out where Cassie could find them, he didn't want work to be in the house when Cassie was with him. Some would say he went overboard on that front, even chastising Kevin for having his service weapon on his hip when he picked her up when she was about six months old, he knew it was a bit silly Cassie had been oblivious to the fact Kevin was packing heat.

It didn't matter to Adam though, he saw the very worst of what the world had to offer and he didn't want that mess to touch Cassie. He knew it wasn't the case when she was with her Mom, Cassie had relayed a story to him just a few weeks ago. She had given him a pretty detailed account of a case Donovan had been working on and he was livid. He had managed to keep his wits about him and changed the subject pretty quickly. He was quick to call Hailey later that night and she seemed unbothered by it, stating that it all went over Cassie's head and she had no idea what she was talking about and that he was overreacting.

Donovan pulled the covers back, "You okay? You seem a bit annoyed" He asked Hailey when she finally joined him in the master bedroom, "Did Adam say something that pissed you off?"

"I had planned to do a girls next weekend. I thought we'd get our nails done, but Daddy is taking her and he's just so much fun, he's always stealing my thunder. He's the fun parent and I'm the mean one. It just gets old." Hailey explained, "It just seems like it's just fun 24/7 at Adam's and then when she comes home I have to hear all about it."

"It's a good thing she's got you, kids need balance and you provide her with that." He kicked off his sweats and climbed into bed, "You're a great mom."

"Thank you." Hailey leaned over and kissed him, "Can we stop talking about Adam?"

"Yes." Donovan laughed, "I don't like talking him on a good day and I certainly don't like talking about him when I'm in bed with you.


	3. Chapter 3

"Daddy..daddy...daddy" Cassie squealed as she ran up the front steps leading to the front door of Adam's house, she had bolted out of the car as soon as Donovan pulled in the driveway.

Hailey was hot on her heels, "Cassandra, I said slow down! Wait for me."

Cassie looked over her shoulder, "I'm just so excited to see my daddy." She paused momentarily before barreling into the door, she knocked excitedly, "Daddy!"

Adam was at the door in a flash, "Cass my lass..." he lifted her in his arms, "Hey sweet girl, was your friend's party fun?"

"It was!" She looked adoringly at Adam, "They had a cotton candy machine, it was so cool. Mommy only let me eat just a little bit, she said it's bad for my teeth."

"Ah, those are baby teeth, they'll fall out anyway." Adam replied, "but your mom is right too much cotton candy isn't good for your teeth." He dropped a kiss on her forehead, "How's it going?" He addressed Hailey.

"It's going." Hailey shrugged has she handed over Cassie's backpack. Cassie insisted on bringing things back and forth despite the fact she had everything she could possibly need at both houses. "She's still on a bit of a sugar high though, she's got a ton of energy."

Adam put Cassie down, "Good thing we've got a busy day planned. Anything else I need to know?"

"Donovan and I will be out of town for a couple of days, so you'll need to call the cell if you need me. I'll text you the hotel information once we've checked in..."

"Sounds good." Adam replied.

Haley glanced over at Cassie, "Sweetie, why don't you go inside and use the bathroom. Remember you said you needed to go."

"Oh yeah. That's right." Cassie hugged Hailey before taking off inside.

"Everything okay?" Adam asked her, "you look a little green..."

Hailey folded her arms across her stomach, "Cassie doesn't know yet, no one knows. It's a little early but I wanted to be the one to tell you. I'm pregnant. Just barely over twelve weeks. Donovan and I are over the moon about it. This trip is a bit of a celebration, we will be telling Cassie in a few weeks. I just wanted you to know first."

"I appreciate it, but it wasn't necessary." Adam told her. "it's none of my business."

"Don't tell Cassie, Donovan and I would like to do that when we get back"

"Seriously? Do you really think I'd tell her? I'm not a complete idiot you know." Adam bit back, "Enjoy your trip. I've got this under control."

Hailey turned to leave and made it a few feet away before stoping on a dime she turned back around to face him, "I didn't mean it like that, Adam. I'm sorry. My head is all over the place. Donovan and I didn't plan it, it just happened."

"We know a little bit about that, don't we?"

"It's not like that though, I'm happy. Really happy. I'm excited for this baby." Hailey told him, "I didn't...we didn't have that with Cassie. Everything was so messed up back then, it's just been nice." She shoved her hands in her pockets unsure of what to do with them, "I'm an emotional mess."

"Wow" Adam was stunned by the comment, "Did you hate being pregnant with Cassie that much? Or was it just me you hated? I'm sorry having Cassie was such a shit experience for you. She's been the best thing to ever happen to me, it's a shame you don't feel the same way about our daughter." It was snarky as hell but hearing her speak of her pregnancy with his daughter in such a negative light irritated him to no end.

"Adam..." Hailey rollled her eyes in frustration, he was missing the point, "it's not like that and you know it." Why did he constantly spin her words to suit his narrative, "I love our daughter..."

"Forget it." Adam cut her off mid-sentence , "I don't want to go down that road." It wasn't worth dredging up the past and he definitely didn't want Cassie to overhear them discussing it."I'm happy for you." He told her, "I'll see you next week."

"Ugh..." Hailey groaned as she buckled her seat belt, "That wasn't fun but at least it's over, right?" She reached over to rest her hand on Donovan's knee, "Time for a romantic getaway."

"How'd he take it?" Donovan asked as pulled out of Adam's driveway, "Was he an ass about it?"

"Nope. Not at all." Hailey entered the hotel's address into the gps, "He said he was happy for me." She knew to leave out his remarks about her pregnancy with Cassie. Donovan tolerated Adam, and she didn't need to provide him with anymore ammunition.

"Really? Huh.." Donovan bobbed his head up and down, "Maybe he's finally growing up."

"Are you done?" Cassie leaned on the arm of the couch, "Is it cleaned yet?" She looked on in amazement as Adam cleaned his gun.

"Almost." Adam told her. He could've kicked himself for not having it done before Cassie arrived, "just a few more minutes. Why don't you go watch tv for a little bit." He jerked his towards her bedroom, "I'll come get you when it's time to go."

Cassie stood rooted in place, "Is it heavy? It looks heavy. Donnie has a gun like that but his is silver not black. He's got a really big one too..." she held her arms out wide, "it's so long. Mommy's looks like yours. It's black too."

"Yes. It's heavy." Adam told her, "It's a tool. My tool. What are the rules about my tools?"

"I don't touch it. Your tools aren't toys." Cassie repeated proudly.

"That's my girl." Adam was pleased with his work and returned the gun to its case, "Ready?"

"I gotta pee." Cassie sprinted towards the bathroom.

Adam's feet ached, they had spent hours at the museum and if Cassie had it her way they'd still be there. He knew she'd enjoy it, but he had no idea that she was going to be in her element. She was such an inquisitive kid and loved learning new things, she had run from exhibit to exhibit when they first arrived and when she made her way through the last exhibit she insisted on doing it all over again.

On the second go round she took her time at the exhibits, she loved trying all of the different activities but she had a few favorites. She loved the 'Safety First' exhibit and enjoyed trying on the turn out gear, the siren was also a big hit. She spent a good bit of time playing on the 'fire truck' and sliding down the pole.

Her second favorite was the 'art studio' she loved trying out the different materials and she had a blast playing with the colored shaving cream and painting with non-traditional paint brushes. She had used toy cars, combs, and toothbrushes to paint but her favorite was the bubble wrap.

Adam wasn't sure if she enjoyed the painting with the wrap or popping the bubbles.

Cassie had loved it so much that Adam had purchased annual passes so they could come back whenever they wanted, the promise of another trip was enough to persuade Cassie to leave without argument.

Well that and the fact that she knew a trip to nail salon was next, she'd be getting a manicure and Adam a pedicure. She was over the moon when she learned Adam would allow her to pick out the nail polish for him.

She picked pink, the brightest most intense shade of pink both she and Adam had ever laid eyes on.

The day had been full on and perfect, they capped it off with a quick meal at small family owned restaurant at Navy Pier.

Cassie had fallen asleep on the drive home and remained sleeping as Adam carried her into the house and as he placed her on her bed. He carefully removed her shoes and draped a throw blanket over her, he watched her sleep for a few minutes. He was in awe of her, she was his everything, he knew beyond a shadow of doubt that she was the best part of him. He kissed her forehead softly whispered an _I love you_ before leaving her room.

He had to laugh when he finally pulled his socks off his toenails were an obnoxious shade of pink while it was a bit embarrassing to be the only man in the nail salon. He had caught a few women staring and whispering a few were brazen enough to smile or attempt conversation. He was quick to politely shut them down, thankfully the pedicure had felt amazing which offset the embarrassment and awkwardness of the experience.

As he sat in the quiet living room he allowed himself to think about Hailey and her pregnancy, he was genuinely happy for her. A happy Hailey was in Cassie's best interest, he couldn't help but wonder how the new baby would impact his daughter. The dynamics would change for Hailey and Donovan both, would Donovan move in with Hailey? Would they decide to purchase a house of their own? Would they get married? How would Cassie feel about it? He knew she'd be excited about a baby, but would she still like it when it never left?

What would Donovan think about having a kid of his own, would it change the way he felt about Cassie? Would Cassie pick up on it?

Fuck he had so many what ifs running through his head, Cassie's happiness and well being was his bottom line, the second he noticed Cassie struggling with it, he'd speak up but for now he was going to mind his business.

The drive to Ann Arbor was long and Hailey had slept for most of it, she'd been exhausted the last few days and mentally drained. The pregnancy had come out of left field, it was definitely not in their plans. They'd briefly talked about their future before both she and Donovan were confident that they were it for each other and that marriage was in the cards for them but they were in no rush to get to the altar.

The timing sucked but once the initially shock wore off she was excited, Donovan had been just as excited for this baby. It was a stark difference to when she was pregnant with Cassie and she didn't enjoy much if any of that pregnancy. She would always carry a bit of guilt on her shoulders over how she reacted and the way she felt when she learned she was pregnant with Cassie. She'd never wish Cassie away, she loved her daughter with her whole heart but it should never have happened.

This pregnancy was different, it was a bit earlier than they would've liked, but it was a good thing. A great thing actually, she knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. It was a baby created out of love, and she couldn't wait to meet her and Donovan's baby.

She felt a pair of arms slip around her waist pulling her backwards against his chest, "How's my baby...baby?" Donovan kissed her just behind her ear, "You look amazing by the way."

"Good." Hailey leaned into him, she covered his hands with hers, "I needed this. This place is absolute beautiful. You shouldn't have booked the penthouse suite though..."

"You deserve it." Donovan told her, "Are you feeling okay? Tired? Stressed? Annoyed?" He rattled off the list of her most frequent moods as of late.

"I'm feeling loved with a splash of tired." She closed her eyes as she leaned even further into him, "I love you. I love how you love Cassandra, I love that you booked this trip."

Donovan laughed, "you don't love the suite though."

Hailey turned in his arms, "I changed my mind. I do love this suite, that shower alone is worth the cost."

"You know, I'm gonna love Cassie just as much as I love our baby. I hope you know that. Cassie's not mine but that doesn't mean I don't love her as if she was, I do Hailey. I love Cassandra with all my heart."

"I know. Cassie knows too."

"Good." Donovan stepped away from her, "Good. Good." His nerves started to get the best of him, he ran his hands down his palms before kneeling, "I love you. I love Cassie. We're having a baby...we should really have a wedding first...will you marry me?"

Hailey gasped and started to cry, "Yes!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Burgess!" Kevin greeted her with a big smile and an even bigger hug, "Thanks for coming over."

"Thanks for the invite." Kim smiled, "Any night I don't have to cook dinner is a win in my book." She followed him through the small living room and into the kitchen, "it smells amazing Kev."

"Thank you. Thank you" He smirked as he brushed his shoulders off, humility wasn't a trait that Kevin possessed but he had every right to his in ego when it came to cooking, "Nothing fancy tonight, just a roast chicken and some garlic mashed potatoes." He knew this could blow up in his face but he had to try.

"I was kind of hoping for your amazing salmon" Kim pouted a bit, "I'm sure your chicken is just as wonderful"

Kevin laughed, "Don't sound so enthused Burgess." He checked on the chicken once more before going to the fridge and grabbing two beers, "I had to go simple, one of the guests tonight won't eat fish. She's got a delicate palate."

Kim eyed him suspiciously, "Who else is coming?"

"You'll see." Kevin teased her. He knew if he told her who was coming she'd grow anxious and come up with an excuse to leave early.

Kim and Adam had a pretty solid work relationship, they still worked really well together but were rarely partnered up. They didn't see much of each other outside of work but weren't against having a few drinks together after a case, or just hanging out together as a unit.

Kevin couldn't help but think a little nudge from him might be beneficial for both of them, he knew neither one of them had been truly happy in a long time. Cassie adored Kim, they didn't see each other all that frequently but the kid was drawn to Kim. She'd hang off Kim's every word and it was obvious that Kim enjoyed her company as well.

Adam hated Saturday nights when he had Cassie, he had to bring Cassie home on Sunday mornings. The first day or two after Cassie left were always the hardest for him, he missed her something awful. Once he got back to work he was fine, it helped to keep him distracted and before he knew it, it would be time to pick Cassie up.

Cassie moved at a snail's pace when it came to Saturday nights, she hated it just as much as Adam did, though the second she laid eyes on her mother she was fine.

Transition was hard for all of them and it was a serious downside to their custody arrangement but it was the best option for all of them. Adam wanted no part of being an every other weekend dad and none of the other suggested arrangements appealed to either him or Hailey.

They would make the week on, week off arrangement work.

Adam poked his head in her room, "Cass...c'mon we need to get moving. Uncle Kevin said dinner is at 6. We need to leave in fifteen minutes." He was no longer shocked by how messy Cassandra's bedroom could get, she was a tiny tornado who left nothing untouched. His pops was constantly reminding him that he was the exact same way as a kid. She had all of her tiny plastic ponies spread out around her, "Clean up, Kiddo."

"I will." Cassie grabbed her backpack off her desk chair, "Can I take some toys to Uncle Kevin's house?"

"Of course. Just hurry up." Adam grabbed her coat from the closet, "pack your bag and then put on your coat and shoes. I just need to grab a clean shirt and my shoes and then we roll out."

"I can't believe Vinessa is graduating from nursing school, it feels like just yesterday she was a preteen." Kim remarked, she had always been found of Kevin's siblings and she was pleased to see them both fulfilling their potential. Their move to live with their aunt had been the right decision, hard as hell for Kevin but the right move.

"Right? It's insane. Jordan is doing really well too, he's loving the Air Force." Kevin didn't see that one coming but just like Vinessa, Jordan was thriving.

The incessant ringing of the doorbell disrupted their conversation, "Ah, they're here." There was only one person who rang the doorbell like that, Cassie.

"Cass, once is enough." Adam pulled her hand away from the button, "Just once."

"Nun-huh. Uncle Kevin said I could push it lots of times if I wanted to." She had her _uncle_ wrapped around her little finger. He spoiled the shit out of her and catered to her every whim, they were thick as thieves and had been since day one.

"Uncle Kevin doesn't know how to say no to you, that's why." Adam had noticed a familiar car in the drive way as they stood on the porch and he suddenly felt a bit anxious he couldn't help but think Kevin was up to something.

Kim scrolled through her messages while she waited for Kevin to return, she heard faint voices and then a very familiar squeal followed by a giggle.

She knew then who had shown up, and it wasn't long before she came running into the room and practically threw herself at Kim.

"I didn't know you were eating with us!" Cassie hugged her, "I'm happy you came."

Kim welcomed the hug, "Oh, sweet girl. I'm so happy I came." She kissed her cheek, she could see Adam over Cassie's shoulder, "Are you having fun with daddy?"

"Yeah. We had lots of fun this week, I have to back to my Mommy and Donnie tomorrow. That's why we are here, we always hang out with Uncle Kevin on Saturday nights." Cassie rambled, "I got to see everyone at daddy's work, but you weren't there. Jay was, but not Antonio. I saw Hank and Trudy too!"

"I had to go a training, Antonio came with me."

"Training? What did they teach you?" She asked.

Adam cleared his throat, "Cass, that's enough with the questions. Go easy on Burgess."

"It's okay." Kim assured him, "They make all the police officers attend trainings, they want us to be the best we can be."

Cassie had moved on and paid no attention to Kim's response, "Daddy, she's Kim, not Burgess. Last names are just for work." Cassie scolded him, "Uncle Kevin did you make chicken?" She tilted her head upwards trying to sniff out the scent coming from the kitchen.

"I did." Kevin laughed at the sudden subject change, Cassie could jump from topic to topic in just a single sentence, she was a lot like her dad in that respect, "With garlic mashed potatoes."

"Yummy, those are my favorite." Cassie jumped up and down, "Can I get the the art stuff?"

"Yes, of course." Kevin told her. He had kept a rather large supply of crayons, markers, construction paper and various other art supplies in his spare bedroom for whenever Cassie came over.

"Hey" Adam finally greeted Kim, "I didn't know you'd be here."

Kim laughed lightly, "Same." She twisted the bracelet on her wrist, "Cassie is getting so big, she's beautiful."

"Thanks, I think so too." Adam replied, "I wish time would slow down just a bit."

"I bet you do." Kim smiled at him, fatherhood looked good on him. His eyes twinkled when he talked about Cassie and his mouth curved into a perfect smile. She could remember the pang of jealously she had felt when she learned Hailey was pregnant with his child. She had gone home after work that day and cried, she felt ridiculous for reacting the way she did. She had been against rekindling their relationship and it was only natural that he had moved on but she always wondered why it had to be with Hailey, her ending up pregnant was akin to rubbing salt in the wound. It didn't last long the first time she had met Cassie she was hooked, and while her relationship with Cassie wasn't anything close to what Kevin had with the little girl, she loved the rare times she got to see her.

It didn't make sense to her back then and it still didn't to this day, she just chalked it up to Adam feeling a bit lost after Olinsky's death.

"Grub is ready!" Kevin finally returned to the living room, "I'll get Miss Priss, you two go on in and get you a plate." He was going to do whatever it took to get those two talking, he knew they just needed a nudge in the right direction.

They'd been engaged for nearly a week now and Hailey had thrown herself into wedding planning, they wanted to get married soon and were determined to keep it on the small side. She wasn't a 'girlie girl' by any means but she was going to go all out on her dress, she already interviewed a handful of make up artists and had narrowed it down to a few girls. They had decided to go with a simple civil service at the justice of peace. A simple reception would follow, Donovan had reached out to a friend who owned a catering hall and he was happy to offer up his place at a discounted rate. It had all fallen into place without much effort on their part, she took it as a sign from the universe that it was meant to be.

She had been to the doctor and they had learned that their little one was developing as it should and it was amazing to hear it's heartbeat, they had a sonogram but their baby looked nothing like a baby at this stage but they still had the photo stuck to the fridge.

Donovan grabbed ahold of her engagement ring, "When are you telling Adam? Do you want me to come?" He had no use for Adam, the guy had a chip on his shoulder and he had little patience for cops like him, the cops who thought they were better than the FEDS.

"Tomorrow I guess. It'll be hard to miss this..." she held her hand up, the diamond on her finger was huge, "if the light hits it just right it's a bit blinding." She laughed, "I do love it though, you did good babe."

"Only the best for my girl." Donovan kissed her quickly, "You think Cassie will be happy?"

"I do. She loves you." Hailey told him, "I think us getting married will be good for her, she'll that traditional family unit, you know? A mom and dad living together and married, a new baby sibling. It's perfect."

"My perfect little family." Donovan grinned from ear to ear, "We need to get serious on house hunting as well, I don't want you to have to deal with moving when you're further along. I'd like to move in the next month or two, if possible."

"Agreed. We need to stay in this area though, the school district here is solid. I want Cassie in school here, the elementary school is one of the best."

"Private school is always an option, we can afford it. I think we should look for the best house, let's not limit ourselves to just this area." Donovan reasoned, he wasn't going to let Adam dictate where he'd live or the choices he'd make for his family.

"We can't go far, Adam will lose his shit." Hailey knew Adam would put up a fight if they tried to take Cassie out of Chicago.

"Babe, I'm not letting Adam dictate where we live. We aren't moving across the country, so what if he's got to drive a bit further than he would like, if a house works for us, we will buy it. Adam will have to suck it up."

Hailey massaged her temples a bit, "You're right I know, but I don't want to take Cassandra to far from every thing and everyone she knows and loves."

"Neither do I. I'm just throwing it at there that's all."

Dinner had gone well, Cassie had monopolized most of the conversation and they had a few laughs over her rundown of her adventures over the last week with Adam. She had fallen hard and fast asleep on the couch just before Kim had left.

She didn't stir when Kim kissed the top of her head before leaving, Adam was a bit taken aback by the way it made his heart race just a bit. He smiled warmly at Kim and told her to drive safely, he watched as Kevin hugged her and walked her out to her car.

"I know what you're up to Kevin." Adam announced the second Kevin walked back inside, "You're a sneaky son of a bitch."

"Who me?" Kevin shrugged, "I just had my best and oldest friends over for dinner, nothing sneaky or shady about that."

"Bullshit." Adam chirped back, "I'm not interested in a relationship. Not with Kim, not with anyone ok?"

"Bro..I saw the way you were looking at her, why are you denying it?" Kevin asked him, "it's as obvious as the nose on your face, you've still got feelings for her. Stop fighting it and see what happens."

"Nope." Adam shook his head, "My priority is Cassie. That's it. I don't want to have this conversation with you." He was clearly frustrated if not a bit pissed off.

"Chill." Kevin held his hands up, "Adam, I'm sorry..okay?" He was surprised at Adam's reaction, "I didn't mean to piss you off, it wasn't my intention. I'll back off."

Adam felt like shit, "Nah, I'm sorry." He blew out a long slow breath and looked over at Cassie who was sleeping soundly on the couch he pointed to her, "She's about to have her world rocked, she just doesn't know it yet, I found out last week when I picked her up and seems I'm the first to know. Hailey is pregnant."

Kevin leaned back on the couch, "Really?"

"Yep." Adam sighed, "I'm worried about how it will affect her. If she'll be happy about it, I guess it's got me on edge a bit."

"I get it. I'm sure it'll be fine though." Kevin kicked his feet up on the coffee table, "Miss Priss likes babies, I'm sure she'll be excited."

"I hope so." Adam stood up, "I should get her home, it's late and I need to drop her off at Hailey's by nine."

They had just enough time to stop at Cassie's favorite donut shop, the donuts were bigger than her face and she was currently covered in pink frosting and sprinkles, "Can we go back to the museum next time I come see you?"

"Of course" Adam dumped another packet of sugar in his cup, "Maybe Poppy and Aunt Trisha would like to tag along, that sound like fun?" When Adam was a little boy he spent a lot of time with his Aunt Trisha, his dad's older sister and he loved that Cassie had Aunt Trisha in her life. The world would be a better place if everyone had an _Aunt Trisha_ in their life. "I know you were bummed you didn't get to see her this week."

"Poppy said she's on a cruise with other old ladies, that doesn't sound fun." Cassie shrugged as she slurped the last bit of her strawberry milk, "I think she will like the museum, she can watch me play. That's her favorite thing. Watching me. She says I'm her favorite person in the whole entire world."

"I used to be her favorite." Adam chuckled, his Aunt was his favorite person growing up and to be honest she still was. She was always dropping by his place with a home cooked meal for him, she was constantly buying things for him and Cassie. She was one of the kindest people he knew and he was grateful for her presence in not only his life but in Cassie's.

"I know. She's told me that before, she said I'm like you." Cassie wiped her face on her sleeve, ignoring the napkin Adam had handed her when he gave her the donut. "I'm done. Can we go see my mommy now?"

Adam grabbed a few bills from his wallet for a tip and left it in on the table, "Let's go."

Hailey was out the door the minute Adam's car pulled to a stop in front of her house, "Hey baby!"

"Hi mommy! I had a donut for breakfast!" She smiled as she wrapped her arms around her waist, "Is Donnie here?"

"He's inside. Why don't you give your dad a hug and kiss and then go inside and say hi," Hailey knew she needed to tell Adam her latest news and there was no time like the present.

"Bye daddy. I love you!"

"I love you too, Cass my lass." Adam crouched down for a hug, "Be good and I will call you in a few days."

Hailey waited until Cassie was inside, "Donuts for breakfast? Really?"

"It was a treat Hailey, it won't kill her." He had noticed the ring almost immediately, "when's the wedding?"

Hailey touched her ring, "Six weeks. It'll be a simple service. We want to do it soon, for obvious reasons. I'd like Cassie to be a part of it, so we may need to adjust her visitation schedule."

"That's fine," Adam replied.

"Also, we have discussed moving. We haven't started looking yet, we've got a meeting next week with the realtors."

"I'm assuming you'll stay in Chicago, yes?" Adam felt a surge of panic fill his gut.

"We haven't really discussed any of that." Hailey leaned against the railing, "I will know more next week."

"Yeah. Okay." Adam kicked a pebble across the porch, "Tell Cassie I'll call her."

He got back in the car and rested his forehead against the steering wheel, he exhaled slowly feeling as if his daughter was slipping between his fingers.

 ** _Drama is coming. I promise._**


	5. Chapter 5

"That's pretty." Hailey smiled as she looked at Cassie's picture she'd had just colored, "I love that you used a lot of colors."

"That's you..." Cassie pointed to a stick figure, "...this is Donnie...and this is me." She had drawn all of them, "..when you and Donnie are married will he be my daddy?"

"Kind of." Hailey smiled, "Would that be okay with you?"

"Yes. I love Donnie, he's funny." Cassie grabbed a cookie off the plate, "Does daddy know?"

"Yes, I told him."

"Is he sad?" Cassie wore a look of confusion, not quite sure on how all of it worked.

"No, he's not sad. Daddy loves you baby, he is your daddy. Donnie will be your step dad, and it's okay that you love him like you love daddy."

"Okay." Cassie seemed satisfied with the answer, "I love daddy, he's my favorite daddy. Don't tell Donnie that though, I don't want him to be sad."

"I won't baby." Hailey hugged her, "but Donnie understands that you love your daddy."

"Have a seat." Voight pointed to the only empty chair in his office, Platt in the chair to Ruzek's left. "An opportunity has come up and we think you fit the bill."

Adam took the seat and waited until Voight closed the door and moved to sit at his desk, "What is it?"

"It's a tough one." Platt answered, "I was asked to recommend an officer and you were the first that came to mind." She wasn't sure he'd be willing to take it on as it had the potential to be last a few weeks, "If you don't want to do it, I'll understand."

"What is it?" Adam wouldn't like it piqued his interest.

"Human trafficking." Hank replied.

Adam leaned back in his chair, "Why me?"

Platt took over, "A friend of mine asked for an assist. These monsters are taking kids, Adam. They'll grab anyone they don't care. These bastards are kidnapping and selling little kids, they don't care how young they are, in fact the younger the better. it's disgusting,"

"I'm interested." Adam was intrigued by the offer but needed more information, his stomach turned at the thought of little kids being in that world, "How long are we talking about?"

"At best a few days, at worst a couple of weeks." Trudy told him, "I will serve as a liaison of sorts, and if needed can play a role, it's already been discussed with Voight and the lead detective on the case. You'd check in with me, I would be able to contact you at any time." She explained.

"Isn't that risky?" Adam asked, "How would that work?"

"I'm your mother." Trudy smiled, "I'm your overbearing mother with a few screws lose and you've taken it upon yourself to care for me. Plus, there's been some chatter that the monster behind all of this enjoys the company of women of an advanced age." She noticed him smirk a bit, "Now, now...Ruzek, I can still turn a few heads. If it makes you feel better you can use me as the reason you're looking for work, you're tired of dealing with your poor old mother and have some pent up anger and frustration to work through, that you want something a bit meaty to sink your teeth in."

Adam smirked, "My mother, huh? That could be fun. Do I have some time to think it over? I've got Cassie to think about and I need to make sure Hailey is okay with me not being available for my week if it comes to that."

"Understood." Trudy replied, "You've got some time before you need to make a decision. They're still laying the groundwork. Think about it and get back to me. I know it's a hard decision for you but these people are monsters and we need to take them down."

"I will let you know." Adam stood up to leave, "I'm good to go?"

"Yeah. Have a good one."

Molly's was empty which was absolutely fine with Adam, he and Kevin could carry on a conversation without having to shout.

Adam ran his finger around the rim of the beer he'd been nursing for the last twenty minutes, "I don't know what to do." He shrugged, it wasn't exactly the truth he knew what he needed to do, he just didn't know if he could do it.

"I don't envy you. I know it's got to be a hard to decision, those sons of bitches need to be stopped but at what cost? You could be under for weeks on end, how would Hailey feel about that?"

"Honestly? I don't know. She's getting married soon, she's busy with that but I really don't know how she'd feel if I wasn't around for any length of time." Adam clued him in to the latest development, "They're talking about moving. I feel like everything is changing and I'm fucking terrified I'm being pushed out of my daughter's life. I can't stand Donovan.." Adam sighed as he knocked back some of his beer, "maybe I'm overreacting..I don't know."

Kevin clapped him on the back, "Adam, that's not what's happening. Say what you want about Upton but she wouldn't take Cassie away from you, she knows how much you love Cassie and Cassie adores you."

"What would you do?"

Kevin waved a finger in front of his face, "that ain't fair dawg, I don't have a kid to think about. I'd do it, but having a kid muddies the water."

"It shouldn't." Adam jumped up from his seat, his nervous energy getting the best of him, "Those kids...They're somebody's son or daughter. I've got to do it." He braced his palms on the bar, and took a deep breath, "I need to do it..." he paused mid sentence his eyes filling up with tears, "...if it was Cassandra.." he rarely used her full name and it surprised him a bit, "...if it was my baby, I'd want someone to save her. I need to do this."

Kevin smiled despite the heaviness of the topic, "That's my boy, I knew you'd do it. You just needed to work it through in your head."

Adam deftly swiped the tears from his eyes, "Hopefully Cassie understands."

It had been a whirlwind of seventy two hours, once Adam had made his decision there was no looking back, he was due to leave first thing in the morning. He had met up with Hailey to discuss it and it went as well as could be expected. It did piss him off a bit when she seemed to be annoyed that he'd have to switch things up a bit, he pointed out that he would be understanding when he needed to trade weeks with her for the wedding.

He was glad Hailey let him have Cassie for the day, he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could before he left for the job

Adam groaned when he got to Hailey's place, her car was gone and Donovan's was parked in the drive way, he knew this was a possibility but he was hoping Hailey would've made it home.

He sucked it up and knocked on the door.

"Cassie! Dad's here." Donovan shouted from the bottom of the staircase before answering the door.

Adam rocked on his heels waiting for the door to open.

"Adam." Donovan forced a smile, "Come on in."

"Thanks." Adam met his fake smile with one of his own, "How's it going?"

"It's good." Donovan stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I heard you're going under. Word on the street is that it's a nasty case."

"It is nasty." Adam didn't feel like having this conversation with him, "I'd rather not discuss it."

Donovan rolled his eyes, "I'm sure my agency is in on it, cases like that are in our wheelhouse."

Adam swore Donovan was going to start beating his chest any minute now, "Yet, it's landed on my desk." He heard Cassie making her way down the stairs, "There's my girl."

"Daddy!" Cassie jumped into his arms, "I missed you."

"I missed you too baby." Adam held her a bit tighter than usual, "You ready to go have some fun? I thought we'd head to Navy Pier, hit up the museum, and just see where the day takes us."

"Yippee! Bye Donnie."

"Bye sweetie, I'll see you soon." Donovan reached his hand out and rubbed her back.

Hailey handed Donovan a slice of pizza, "Did Adam say when he'd bring her home?" She had developed a serious craving for pizza and it was the only thing she wanted to eat as of late, "Not too late I hope."

"He didn't say." Donovan replied, "He's pretty tight lipped about his case as well. You'd think he'd at least fill us in on when he thought it would be over, I suppose that's asking too much of him, being a considerate adult is hard for him.

"That really surprises you?" She asked him, she had learned to ignore his snide remarks about Adam. She had once made the mistake of defending Adam and it irked Donovan, he questioned her about her feelings for Adam, even asking if she still loved Adam. , "I just hope it doesn't drag on forever, we've got so much to do and it'd be so much easier if we didn't have Cassie with us. That sounds awful, doesn't it?"

"I get what you're saying and you're right it shouldn't surprise me, it's typical of him to keep things under wraps. I will just look into it when I go into the office tomorrow." Donovan had access to numerous case files including all current undercover operations, sure some of the identifying information would be redacted but he could put two and two together to determine which case was Adam's. "He forgets I outrank him."

"Can we not?" Hailey didn't necessarily disagree with Donovan she just didn't feel like discussing it, they could talk about it until they were blue in the face but nothing would change it was best to just let it go.

"Fine." Donovan grabbed the folder the realtor had given him, "I got this today. The realtor sent it to my office, it's got a list of properties that meet our criteria, including links to their online listings." He had already looked over the list, "I circled a few that I thought were solid options for us."

Hailey took it from him, "Good plan. We should have an idea of what we want when we meet with them next week."

"You think Adam'll be back by then?"

"I don't know, I mean I guess it could happen but I've got a feeling it's going to take longer than a week. I'm expecting him to be gone at least two weeks maybe even a month. Which means we need to be prepared to have Cassie full time."

"I know having Cassie with us while we are house hunting and getting ready for the wedding will make things a bit tricky but I'd be lying if I wasn't excited about it."

Hailey smiled, "We won't have to share her, it'll be like she's both of ours."

The museum was a madhouse, a stark difference from the last time they visited, the place was overrun by numerous school groups, it was clearly a popular place for field trips.

They ended up spending most of their time exploring the pier, and ultimately ended up at a playground. Cassie found a couple of little girls to play with, allowing Adam to sit back and watch as the girls played. When the girls left Cassie sought him out and they played for a bit, Adam needed the time to gather the courage he needed to explain what was going to happen.

"Let's go sit down for a minute. I need to talk to you." Adam guided her towards a bench just on the edge of the grass overlooking the playground.

Cassie wormed her way into his lap, tucking her head under his chin, "What is it daddy?" She asked him, almost sensing something was going on.

"There are these really bad people Cass. They do horrible things to innocent people and I need to help the police arrest them." Adam explained, "I have to go away for a little while."

"Why?" She asked him. "Why can't you just arrest them and come home. That's what you do every other time you catch bad people."

"This time is different, these are really bad people. So bad that they are really hard to catch so I need to pretend I'm like them. That I do bad things just like them, I've got to become friends with them."

"No daddy! No!" Cassie wailed, "You're good. Not bad. You can't be friends with them. You'll get in trouble too!"

Adam wrapped his arms tightly around her holding her as she cried, "No baby, I won't get in trouble, I will be pretending. The cops will know I'm a good guy, that I'm undercover. That's means I'm just pretending, all of the cops working on the case will know who I am. They'll protect me, they won't let the bad guys know I'm really a cop." He knew it wasn't easy for a kid to understand, "Trudy will help me."

"She will?" Cassie replied, "She's good police daddy, she does a really good job." She perked up just a little bit.

Adam smiled at her response, "Trudy is good police. You're right about that, Trudy will help out but It might take a while baby, I might not be home for a few weeks. You'll stay with Mommy and Donnie while I'm working."

"I won't get to see you? Can I FaceTime you?"

"No, baby you can't. I won't be able to have my phone." Adam explained, "Poppy said you can call him whenever you want and he will come visit you if you want him to. I know it's going to be hard for you, it'll be hard for me. I'm going to miss you so much, but I want you to know that I'm coming home to you as soon as I'm done."

"Do you promise?" Cassie looked up at him with sad eyes and Adam's heart broke just a little bit more.

"I promise baby." Adam kissed her head and held her in his arms for as long as she would allow him too.

They walked hand in hand back to the car, it was obvious the wind had left Cassie's sail and she was ready to go home. She didn't say much if anything on the drive back to her house, she insisted he carried her up the steps, claiming her legs hurt.

Adam knew better her legs didn't hurt, it was her heart that hurt and he could sympathize with her. He felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest, her arms were wrapped around his neck in a death grip.

Hailey jumped up from the couch as soon as she heard the car door shut, she smiled awkwardly at Adam as he lugged their daughter up the walkway, "Hey baby, did you have fun with your dad?"

Cassie hid her face in Adam's neck, "She did. Didn't you Cass."

"Yes." Cassie whispered, "I don't want you to go, daddy."

"Honey, your dad has to go. It's an important job, you know that." Hailey had expected her to be upset, "Hopefully it won't take too long, and daddy will back before you know it."

It was then Cassie's little lip quivered, Adam set her on feet and got down on his knees to be eye to eye with her, "Cassie..." he held her face in his hands, his thumbs softly sweeping back and forth over her cheeks, "...I love you so much. I am going to miss you while I'm working, you'll be on my mind the entire time. I don't want to go, I want to stay with you but I need to do this. There are mommies and daddies that don't know where their kids are, they're counting on me to help arrest the bad guys."

"I won't see you though. I don't care about bad guys. I don't want you to go." Cassie lost it and burst into tears she pulled away from him, turning to her mother, "I want you to stay!" She wailed again throwing her arms around Hailey's waist.

It was killing him, "Cassie honey, I can't. I have to go." He reached out to touch her and she jerked away from his touch, "look at me..please?" He pleaded with her, "Baby, I love you." He knew she wasn't going to look at him and it crushed him.

"She'll be okay, Adam." Hailey spoke up, she truly felt bad for Adam. Cassie was heartbroken at the thought of not seeing her daddy. "Donovan and I will keep her busy, please tell your father he is welcome to visit at anytime, he just needs to give us a call."

Adam bobbed his head up and down, "Thank you, I appreciate that. I know my dad will too." He kneeled down in front of Cassie once more, "Cass my lass...do you think I could have a hug and a kiss?"

"Oh yes, daddy." She didn't even hesitate, her cheeks flushed from cry, "I love you." She squeezed his neck tightly, "I love you daddy."

Adam struggled to speak, a combination of overwhelming sadness and the death grip Cassie had on his neck, "I love you too. Be good for mommy and Donnie. I'll be home soon."

Cassie slipped her hand in Hailey's the second she let go of Adam's neck, "Be safe Adam." Hailey called out as Adam made his way to his car.

They stood on the porch until Adam's car drove off.

He had managed to hold it together in front of Cassie but the second he got in the car he lost it, he was overwhelmed by all of it. Seeing his kid cry was never easy, when Cassie was a toddler he struggled with telling her no, if he had denied her something or scolded her she'd burst into tears and he felt like a monster. For brief period of time he refused to tell her no, eventually he realized he had to, didn't meant he liked it though.

This was different, it was his fault she was crying.

It wasn't a rational train of thought he knew that, he was going to work not turning his back on her but none of that mattered to a five year old.

He was going to bust his ass and get home to Cassie as soon as possible.


	6. Chapter 6

She braced her palms on the counter and focused on her breathing and not the child she could her screaming in the living room.

They were a month into Adam's undercover operation and there was no end in sight and she was running out of patience.

She was due to get married in two weeks, and she was starting to panic. Sure their wedding was going to be a simple and very small ceremony, but she still had a lot to do. They were still searching for the perfect house, their honeymoon was in a month.

Cassie had morphed into a bit of a brat, she was making everyone's life difficult, and while both she and Donovan both understood why she was being such a pain in the ass it didn't make it any easier to deal with.

Cassandra had become defiant, constantly telling Donovan she didn't have to listen to him because he wasn't her daddy. She was constantly back talking, threw temper tantrums over the littlest things.

It had gotten ugly more times than Hailey would care to admit.

Hailey wasn't even sure what set her off this time, as soon as Cassie started to cry Hailey walked out of the room. She just couldn't handle it, she'd been nauseated all day and was exhausted, she just couldn't deal with her right now so she walked out. It wasn't the best reaction she knew that, she was drained physically and mentally.

It only added fuel to Cassie's fire and she went into full meltdown mode.

Before Adam had left he had told her that his father would help out if Hailey needed it, it was time to ask for help. It went against everything she stood for, she hated asking for help especially from Adam's father but she needed a break.

Cassie had handled the first two weeks with ease, she rarely mentioned Adam. She loved getting to visit Donovan's office, she was given the royal treatment. She grinned from ear to ear as she was introduced to each of Donovan's co-workers, she held his hand tightly as she was given a tour of the building.

They had hit a really good groove and it was awesome, they felt like a real family. She wasn't sending Cassie away every other week, it was nice to have that normalcy. She was on such a high that she felt it was time to tell Cassie about the baby.

Cassie seemed unfazed by the news, they chalked it up to being a bit too abstract for Cassie to understand, Hailey wasn't even showing all that much at the time. They took her to one of the appointments and that had seemed to help some and she began to get excited.

The end of the third week everything went to shit, Cassie didn't want a 'stupid baby' nor did she want to live in a new house, and she definitely didn't need another daddy. She wanted her daddy and she wanted him now.

It had caused some tension between Donovan and her, they'd fought a lot over the last week and she was tired of it. This was supposed to be a happy time for her and Donovan and it was anything but happy.

So yes she had finally swallowed her pride and called Bob.

She was a bit surprised when he said he'd be over in an hour and that he was more than happy to keep her overnight.

Hailey found Cassie sitting on the couch her arms folded defiantly across her chest, "Are you calm enough to talk?" Hailey asked her, the little girl's face was splotchy, her eyes puffy.

"Nuh-huh" Cassie scowled, "I'm angry,"

Hailey could see so much of Adam in Cassie's scowl, "Well, then you can listen to me." Hailey sat on the arm of the couch, "You need to go to your room and pack your back pack. I want you to pick out pajamas and some clothes for tomorrow. Your poppy is picking you up in an hour."

"Why?" Cassie unfolded her arms and leaned across Hailey's legs, "Is Daddy back?"

"No. He's not." Hailey stroked her hair, "I think we all need a break. Mommy and Donnie need some time together and you need to see your Poppy."

"Where are you going?" Cassie moved closer to her mother, "Why can't I go with you and Donnie?"

Hailey sighed in frustration, "We need some grown up time, just mommy and Donnie. Okay? I'm tired." She massaged her temples, "Mommy is sorry, for today. Can you please go pack your things." When Cassie didn't budge she asked her again, "Can you just go and do as I asked, I don't want your Poppy to have to wait for you." It wasn't that she didn't want Bob to have to wait, she didn't want Bob to stay any longer than absolutely necessary.

She had gotten into it with Adam numerous times over Bob spoiling Cassie, every time she spent time with her grandfather she was loaded up with sugary snacks, expensive toys and allowed to do whatever she wanted. Adam didn't see any issues with it, told her that's what grandparents did.

Of course grandparents were a bit over indulgent with their grandchildren but Bob went above and beyond that, she tried to get Adam to see things her way but it wasn't happening. There was no happy medium with Bob, and Hailey hated it. When Adam asked to have Cassie a few weeks ago to help celebrate Bob's birthday Hailey had told him no and shit hit the fan.

It was her week though and she was well within her rights to tell him to kick rocks. She and Donovan had already made plans to take Cassie on a little mini vacation and it would've been a serious pain in the ass to switch things up. It had gone over like a lead balloon, and Adam was pissed off about it for a good bit, she imagined Bob felt the same way.

Cassie's shoulders slumped, "Okay."

Hailey felt the first pang of guilt hit her, she knew Cassie was struggling and that her lashing out at them was because she missed her father, she knew she should be patient with her. It was hard as hell though, and it seemed they were all paying the price for Adam's choices.

She was finding it difficult to not get angry with Adam for taking the case. He never should've taken a UC gig that had the potential to be a long term case, it wasn't fair to Cassie or her.

It didn't help that Donovan felt the need to mention how irresponsible it was for Adam to take the case and that he hoped Cassie didn't suffer with abandonment issues because of it.

Cassie had taken to sitting on the front steps waiting for her Poppy to pull up, Hailey kept a close watch and as soon as Bob pulled up Hailey went outside.

"Hey you.." Bob held his arms out for Cassie, he was knocked backwards a bit when she threw herself at him, "Oh, I've missed you my girl." He held her tightly, he adored her. She brought so much joy to his life, "Have you been good?"

"Yes." Cassie told him without hesitation.

"Good. That's what Poppy likes to hear." Bob caught a flash of annoyance in Hailey's eyes, it was fleeting, he turned to Hailey, "Has she been okay?"

Hailey hummed and hawed a bit before responding, "She's been fine, a bit rambunctious and she's been a bit sassy, along with a few temper tantrums but nothing that I can't handle." She bit her tongue and kept the details of her tantrums to herself. She held her arms open for a hug, "Come hug me, be good for Poppy and have fun."

"I will." Cassie smiled as she grabbed ahold of Bob's hand, "We always have fun, right Poppy?"

"That's right, we do." Bob looked to Hailey, "I can keep her a couple of days if you need it. My sister too, Cassie adores her Aunt Trisha. You just need to ask, Hailey."

"I'll keep that in mind. I think one night is enough for right now," She forced a smile, "thank you though."

"Well, whaddya say Cass should we roll out?"

"Yes! Bye mommy." Cassie separated herself from Bob's side and hugged Hailey, "I love you."

Hailey gave her a quick hug and kiss, "Behave. I will see you tomorrow."

Bob had taken her to the park just a few blocks from his house, the park Adam loved to play at when he was a little boy. It had brought back a lot of memories watching Cassie play, she loved to explore near the water's edge. She found the beauty in her surroundings, everything thing was a _treasure_ to her.

Within an hour she had gathered quite the collection of treasures, it consisted mostly of small rocks, sticks, and the occasional piece of plastic that had she had unearthed in the soil.

Each item had a story and Bob loved to listen to Cassie speak about each item and he loved the pieces she had decided to give him, she set a few of her favorites aside for Adam.

"I'm getting hungry, what about you?" Bob asked her.

"I'm kind of hungry. My tummy growled before but I wasn't ready today. I was busy but I think I want to eat now."

"Then we will eat." Bob helped her carry her treasures back to the car, "Where should we go? It's your pick."

Cassie mulled it over for a few minutes, "Cheeseburgers."

"Au Cheval or Shake Shack?" Bob glanced in the rear view mirror, he had to chuckle when she pressed her finger to her lips, her eyes scrunched up in what appeared to be deep concentration.

Cassie clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, "Shake Shack!"

"Solid pick my friend." Bob put the car in drive and got to it.

Adam kicked his shoes off and climbed into bed, the sun had just dipped below the horizon and he was dead tired. He'd hit road block after road block, every time he thought he was finally making headway the rug was ripped out from under him.

This group was good, the inner circle was tight. It was almost impenetrable. He had become close with one of the guys Ted, who sat just outside the inner circle, the guy knew the all of the big players, meeting dates and times, he even knew the locations but knew nothing of what was being discussed. He didn't know the locations of where 'inventory' was kept, nor did he know about where one could view said inventory.

The guy knew a lot but not much of it was useful to him, Adam feared it was time to bring in Platt.

He had mentioned her a few times, mostly in off hand comments. He would complain about her neediness and how she drove him crazy. He had told his 'buddy' Ted about her, how she aggravated the piss out of him. His mother was the reason he had wanted to get in with the group, he had heard they paid their employees well and he wanted to ship his mother off he needed her out of his hair.

Ted had pointed out that 'the big guy' had a guilty pleasure, he was constantly looking for new women to entertain and maybe he should bring his mother to the club one night.

Adam knew that 'night' had arrived, he needed to call Platt.

The phone call could wait, right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to dream about his title girl, he was missing her something fierce.

Being a patrol officer had perks, perks that lasted long after he had retired from the force. Bob had patrolled the area surrounding Shake Shack for years and it was often where he stopped to grab a quick meal. He had become friendly with the staff, including the general manager.

When they arrive and learned it would be close to an hour wait for a table, Bob asked for the GM.

As soon as the GM saw Bob they were seated within ten minutes.

Cassie was thrilled when the strawberry shake arrived shortly after they sat down, the waitress smiled as she handed it to her, "A little birdie told me that strawberry shakes are your favorite."

"They are." Cassie plucked the cherry from atop the shake and plopped it in her mouth, "but how did a birdie tell you that? They can't talk and I didn't see one." Cherry juice ran down her chin as she spoke.

Bob laughed heartily, "Oh sweetheart, it's just a something adults say. I told our waitress it was your favorite. I'm the little birdie."

Cassie looked even more perplexed, "You're not a birdie, Poppy. That's silly."

Donovan tossed his keys on the counter, "Hails?" He unbuckled his holster and set it on the countertop, "Babe?"

As he made his way through the house he spotted her on the couch fast asleep, he sat down beside her and ran his hand over her slight baby bump, "Honey, I'm home." He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, "wake up..."

Hailey rubbed her eyes, "Hey..." her voice was thick with sleep, "You're home."

"I am." He looked around the living room, "Where's Cassandra?"

Hailey pushed herself up to a sitting position, "I caved. I called Adam's father. He picked her up a couple of hours ago. I planned to just lay down to rest for a little bit and I guess I fell asleep."

"Was she that bad today?" He pulled Hailey into his arms, "I could kick her father's ass for what this is doing to Cassie and us. He really doesn't give two shits does he?" He had tried to get some information on the case but was frustrated to find that it was being done with little involvement from the feds, and the DEA had nothing to do with it at all.

"She misses him."

"Of course she does, it's been a month," Donovan was over it, "We've got our wedding coming up, a honeymoon and that son of a bitch is still off the grid. Cassie has got to feel abandoned by him."

Hailey agreed with him for the most part but she didn't feel like discussing it, they'd only get frustrated, "Don..can we not. I was hoping we would have a nice relaxing night, just you and me. No Cassie, no distractions."

Donovan smirked, "Oh, yes. I think I can handle that."

Cassie sat on her knees as she ate, her mouth constantly in motion. She grabbed a French fry and dunked it in some ketchup before tossing it in her mouth and as she chewed she grew pensive.

"Poppy?"

"Yes?" Bob asked he had noticed the way her face had shifted from playful and carefree to a bit concerned. He had anticipated this, he need she had to have questions about Adam's absence and why he wasn't home yet.

"My Mommy is having a baby. It's in her belly. Donovan is that baby's daddy. Not my daddy." She pushed her plate aside and rested her elbows on the table, "Mommy and Donovan are getting married. We have to find a new house. I don't want to move far away but Donnie said we might have to. He's a FED and FEDS work all over the place."

Bob was shocked by the sudden eruption, "Wow. A baby that's cool." He was taken aback a bit, "That'll be fun."

Cassie groaned, "I don't know about that Poppy. Babies cry. A lot." She balled her napkin up in her hand.

"You're not wrong about that. You cried a lot."

"No I didn't." Cassie retorted, "Daddy said I smiled all the time."

"Your daddy lied." Bob tapped her nose with his finger, "Doesn't matter though you were still the cutest, sweetest, most perfect baby ever. I'm sure you'll love your little brother or sister no matter what, even if it does cry all the time." He fisher his wallet from his back pocket and piled out enough money to cover the bill and a tip, "Let's get home it's late."

"Can we watch a movie?" She slipped her hand in his as they exited the restaurant.

"Which one?"

"Despicable Me?"

"Sure."

"You always know exactly what I need." Hailey purred as curled into his side, "Thank you."

"For?" Donovan propped himself up on his elbow to look down at her, his hand resting lightly on her stomach.

"Loving me. Showing me true love." She took his face in her hands, "I'm so glad that I get to bring a little life into the world with you at my side. I can't wait to marry you."

"Same baby. Same."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Consider this a treat, 2 chapters in 2 days! Make sure you've read chapter 6 before you read this one! Thanks for reading and the reviews! Also, to the guests if you register you can follow the story and receive an email when it's updated.**_

Hailey felt a bit rejuvenated after a child free night, she was definitely a bit disappointed when she woke to find Donovan's side of the bed empty.

A note lay on his pillow.

 _Got Called in._

 _I'll call later_

 _Love you_.

She had such high hopes for the morning. They had the perfect evening, without ever leaving the house. It was nice to just be, they talked about their hopes for their baby, they both wanted a little boy.

They tossed names about as they ate, Donovan had expressed interest an in naming the baby after him if it was a boy. He was named Donovan John after his father, who was named after his father. He was the fourth and he was hoping he'd have a son who would carry on the tradition. He realized that his baby would be the fifth and it may not have been something Hailey wanted to continued.

Hailey loved the idea and the tradition, needless to say Donovan was stoked.

The more she thought about the more her heart was set on having a boy.

Even now the smile was impossible to wipe off her face, she rested her hand on her belly almost willing it to be a boy.

Bob sat at the kitchen table as he drank his morning coffee the conversation with Cassie the night before had left him a bit unsettled, he hadn't pressed her about it last night but he needed to dig a bit deeper this morning.

He had already pulled her favorite cereal from the pantry along with her favorite bowl and spoon. Bob felt as if he had turned back the hands of time, when Adam was growing up breakfast together was their thing, nothing got in the way of it.

It was a tradition that lasted well into a Adam's teenage years and it was always the best part of his day.

"Hi Poppy." Cassie's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts, "I'm hungry."

"Of course you are." Bob laughed, he watched her as squirmed her way into the chair, refusing it pull it out from the table.

"Can I do it?" Cassie asked him as he moved to pour cereal into her bowl.

"Have at it." He let her go and she filled it to the brim, "Milk?"

"Yes please." Cassie patted the pile of cereal down with her spoon as Bob poured the milk for her.

"Can we talk about something?" Bob asked as she devoured her breakfast, droplets of milk clinging to her chin as chewed.

Cassie mumbled what sounded an awful lot like _yes._

"Are you happy you're getting a new baby brother or sister?" Bob asked her, she shrugged her shoulders it was clear she was a bit indifferent to it. Truthfully she probably didn't completely understand what was to come, sure she seemed to grasp that their was a baby growing in her mother's belly but beyond that there was no telling.

"I guess." She finally replied, "Mommy is happy about it, Donnie too. They talk about it a lot."

"They do, huh? What do they say?" Bob asked.

"Lots of stuff. The baby will get to stay with them all the time, it won't have to go to my daddy's house, it'll get to stay with mommy. Donnie likes that. He doesn't like that I go to daddy's."

Bob felt the anger bubble in his gut but he focused on remaining calm, "Why do you think Donnie doesn't like your daddy?" He asked her.

"I hearded him tell mommy that, he said it lots of times. He doesn't want me going to daddy's house" She explained, "it made me sad, I love daddy."

Bob could see she had more to say so he kept quiet afraid if he responded she'd stop talking, he grabbed a hold of her hand gave it a comforting squeeze and listened intently.

"Mommy doesn't like daddy." She grew sullen, "Mommy is so happy Donnie is the daddy of the baby in her belly . He's happy he's getting his own baby. I don't think that Donnie's loves me now, he's got a new baby. His baby. I hope my mommy will still love me when Donnie's baby gets out of her belly."

She could have kicked him in the balls and it would've hurt less "He still loves you, and so does your mommy, how could they not? You're the sweetest girl in the world." If this entire conversation wasn't a fucking knife to his heart, "It's a bit confusing isn't it baby? I don't want you to worry about anything..." Bob pulled her from her chair and sat her in his lap. "You're loved so much the rest is grown up stuff, it's nothing for you to worry about." His anger had returned with a vengeance and he couldn't ignore it. If Adam was around he'd tell him and let him handle it but with Adam unreachable, he would have to address it.

He knew things between Adam and Hailey weren't great, Bob knew Adam didn't care for Donovan but he made damn sure Cassie had no idea.

.

Why couldn't Hailey and Donovan do the same? Co-parenting wasn't easy, Bob understood that but was it to much to ask that she behaved like an adult and respect Adam as Cassie's father? Adam often bent over backwards for Hailey when it came to Cassie, giving up some of his time with her to accommodate Hailey's schedule. What infuriated Bob more than anything was the prick that she was going to marry was trashing Adam in the presence of Cassie, that was unacceptable. He knew what he was getting into when he hooked up with Hailey, the least he could was be a decent man and respect Adam's place in Cassie's life. Adam had his faults but he was doing a damn good job as a father, Bob was so proud of the father his son had become. Bob was never father of the year, shit he was never father of the week but Adam was, and he wasn't going to let anyone undercut him, especially not that prick or Hailey.

Hailey used her time without Cassie wisely, she got caught up on a laundry and went through a few days worth of mail. She had completed a run to the grocery store, and was now working on meal planning for the next few weeks. She was pretty OCD about what they ate and it had kicked up another notch with her pregnancy. They were all eating healthier, and planning and preparing the meals made life that much easier, it cut down on snacking, and required less daily prep more often than not all she needed to do was put it in the oven.

She hadn't heard from Donovan yet so she fired off another text hoping to get a response this time, she was missing him a bit more than usual.

Bob was antsy, he had decided to take Cassie to the park to let her burn off some energy, he had succeeded on that front but he was now filled with anxiety and a fair bit of dread. He didn't like the idea of having a conversation with Hailey when Cassie was in ear shot but he had no other choice. He wanted to confront them head on about it and ask that they use discretion when discussing Adam around Cassie.

He knew he had to be careful in how he approached the topic, he knew Hailey might get defensive and nothing could would come from that. He had to choose his words carefully he didn't want to make it sound as if he had interrogated Cassie. He had agonized over what he would say as he watched Cassie play and now as he stood at Hailey's door he felt sick to his stomach.

Cassie jiggled the doorknob only to find it locked, she curled her hand into a fist and knocked, "Mommy! It's me Cassie, I'm home." She called out.

Hailey smiled at the sound of her voice, the kid was loud as hell, "Coming!" She took off in a bit of a jog, as she opened the door she was greeted by a sizable hug and incessant chatter. "Hey baby, did you have fun?"

"I did. We went to the park, then Shake Shack and then the park again this morning. We stayed a long time. Poppy even played chase but he didn't catch me, I'm faster than him." She dropped her backpack just inside the door, "I've got treasure for you. I found it at the park" she got down on her knees and unzipped her bag.

Bob touched her shoulder, "Cass, do you think you could give your mom and me a few minutes to talk?"

"Okay." Cassie shrugged, "Mommy can I watch tv?"

Hailey nodded, "Yes. You can watch it upstairs in my bedroom." She had no idea what Bob wanted to discuss with her, part of her hoped it would be that Adam would be home soon and that he wanted to take Cassie for an extended stay.

Bob waited until he was sure Cassie was upstairs before he spoke, he looked towards the stairs and once he was satisfied he jumped in head first, "Listen, I know there's no love lost between my son, you, and Donovan. I get it, I know my boy has his flaws but he's that little girl's father.." he pointed in the direction Cassie had gone, "...he adores her, he doesn't always get it right but he does his best. I don't expect Donovan to be best buddies with him, I don't expect them to exchange pleasantries. I do expect him to respect my son's place in Cassie's life. To not bad mouth Adam in front of his daughter. She hears more than you know."

Hailey was dumbfounded, mentally trying to remember what she had Donovan had discussed as of late, "I...Bob, you gotta give me something, what did Cassie say?"

"Does it matter?"

She folded her arms across her chest, "Yes, I think it does. We've got a lot going on and it's been stressful, I'm sure she misunderstood what was said."

"I don't think so. She was pretty clear on it. Listen, I know you've got a baby on the way. Cassie is worried about how the new baby will change things for her. She's trying to work through what that means for her. She knows Donovan is the baby's father but I don't think she gets it. Not really. She loves her daddy, I would appreciate it if you didn't badmouth him in front of her. I think it might be wise for you to assure Cassie that you both still love her. She's fears that once the baby is born Donovan won't love her, she's already feeling pushed aside a bit. She's scared that you won't love her."

Hailey's hands trembled a bit and her voice cracked, "I love Cassie with my entire soul, how dare you say that!"

Bob spoke over her, "I'm not saying you don't love her, don't twist my word. I'm saying Cassie fears you won't love her when the baby is born. She's just a little girl"

Hailey closed the distance between them and spoke through her teeth, "My daughter knows she is loved. I don't bad mouth Adam in front of her. Neither does Donovan." Hailey bit back, "I wouldn't do that to Cassie."

"She hears things. Perhaps you should keep that in mind."

"What's that supposed to mean..." she flailed her hands around a bit, "...you know what? Never mind. I don't need this. Thank you for keeping her overnight. I don't appreciate being attacked in my own home."

Bob shook his head, "Attacked? I don't think so. It was merely a conversation, that's it. If you feel _attacked_ that's on you, perhaps I hit a nerve." Bob shrugged, "Tell Cassie I will call her in a few days."

Hailey shoved her hands in her pockets to keep them from shaking, as soon as Bob stepped onto the porch she pulled a hand out and shut the door. She rested her back against it and closed her eyes and took a few deep calming breaths.

Who the hell did Bob think he was? How dare he come to her house and speak to her like that. She was livid, she fired off another text message to Donovan asking him to come home ASAP. It was pointless to do so but she fired off a text message to Adam as well, she didn't take kindly to Bob's little outburst and she had to wonder if Adam had been filling Cassie's head with doubts. It was a ironic as hell to be honest, she had just had her ass chewed out for allegedly bad mouthing Adam and there was a solid chance he was doing just the same.

Donovan had finally tracked down some information on Adam's case and while he had hoped for something with a bit more detail and even an estimate on when they expected a resolution he was happy to know that profess was being made. It was slow going but according to his source they expected that to change in the next day or two. They were playing a different angle and they were cautiously optimistic that it could get the ball rolling.

He was just about to call Hailey and fill her in when her text came through, he packed up his work and found his supervisor to let him know he was done for the day.

Hailey was nauseated and this time it wasn't due to morning sickness, she had felt a bit attacked and it left her rattled. She had gone upstairs and talked to Cassie and got nowhere. Cassie seemed happy as could be, she asked a dozen questions about the baby and was genuinely excited.

Her face lit up when Hailey told her she thought the baby was a boy, Cassie was eager to meet the baby and they had gone on the internet looking for various baby items.

Bob was wrong about the way Cassie felt about the baby. She wasn't worried about anything, Cassie was excited. Hailey couldn't be so sure about the rest of what Bob had said, they hadn't spoken kindly about Adam as of late. She knew that Donovan had been ranting about Adam a lot lately, she had also said a few choice words. It had been a rough month and they were all hitting their breaking point so they had blew off a bit of steam, it was unfortunate that Cassie had over heard it but she wasn't going to apologize for venting.

Their only mistake was speaking about it when Cassie was within ear shot.

Cassie was on her feet the second she heard the front door open, "Donnie! You're home!" She jumped up and down, "Hi!"

Donovan tugged lightly on her ponytail, "Hi. I see that you've got ants in your pants." He copied her movements earning a few giggles, "Where's mommy?"

"Kitchen. It's almost dinner time." Cassie had a hold of his hand, "Can we play?"

"Yeah. Yeah." He told her, "What should we play?" He made his way to the kitchen and Hailey wasn't there, "Hailey?" He spotted her sitting outside, "C'mon squirt. Let's go outside."

The squeak of the sliding door as it opened startled Hailey and she turned to see Donovan and Cassie, "Hey."

"You good?" Donovan asked her, "I got your text. Or should I say _texts_. I called you but it went right to voicemail. What's going on?" He was worried and the look on her face did little reassure him.

Hailey shifted her weight, "Go inside please Cassie."

Cassie moved to sit in Donovan's lap as soon as his ass hit the chair, "I wanna stay." She replied. "I don't want to go inside. Inside is boring."

"Please go inside, Cassandra." Hailey's tone was a bit firmer this time.

"No." Cassie furrowed her brow, "I'm staying." She refused to get up from Donovan's lap, "inside is boring."

"I will not ask you again." Cassie retorted, she was losing her patience with Cassie, she just wanted ten minutes, that wasn't too much to ask of her.

"I don't want to." Cassie whined.

Donovan wasn't touching this one, not when he wasn't sure of what was going on with Hailey. She had been clear from day one that she would handle disciplining Cassie if need be and that he would always defer to her parenting choices.

"I don't care what you want, Cassandra. I said go inside. Now go!" Hailey stood up to accentuate her point, "Ten minutes that it all I need."

Cassie knew she had pushed her mother to the edge and got up, "You're mean! I don't like you!" She jerked the door open and leaving it slightly ajar as she stormed inside.

"Just breathe for a minute" Donovan whispered as he pulled Hailey in for a hug.

Cassie had burst into tears and threw herself on the couch, her chest heaving as she sobbed. She had missed her mommy and Donovan and didn't understand why she was sent inside. It took her a few minutes to settle down, as her breathing slowed she searched for the television remote.

It wasn't in any of the usual places, as she searched she remembered having it when she hugged Donovan, she went into the foyer and couldn't find it. She spotted Donovan's things by the door, his phone peaking out of the top of it. She pulled the phone out and was disappointed to find it locked as she pulled the zipper back to put the phone away she caught sight of his holster.

Her hands itched to touch it, she zipped the bag up and ran back into the living room. It was a tool, she knew that her daddy had told her that so many times. She wasn't supposed to touch daddy's tools, they were dangerous.

This wasn't Daddy's tool, so maybe the rules were different. She got up from the couch and looked out the back door, they were still talking. She knew she couldn't go outside, she wanted to though and she couldn't.

That made her sad.

She went back into the living room to play but she couldn't ignore what she had seen. Maybe if she just touched it once her daddy wouldn't be mad at her. She tiptoed back into the foyer and got on her knees and opened the bag once more.

Daddy wasn't here. He wouldn't know if she touched it.

.


	8. Chapter 8

Adam checked his reflection in the mirror once more before turning around to face Trudy, "This needs to work. I need an in." He was frustrated beyond words, "do you know if Kevin has visited Cassie?"

They had rented out a small house for Adam to live in as he worked the case, it was a two bedroom, one bath house. The neighborhood left a lot to be desired but that was the point, he was looking to get out. It was the reason he was looking for some fast cash, it all needed to check out. He had to give the department credit, they had nailed it.

Trudy placed her coffee cup on the counter, "I don't know. I've been lying low. I can't be visiting the district, now can I?"

Adam grunted a bit, "No. I guess you can't. I just wish I know how she was doing." Regret had been settling in his gut, he leaned against the kitchen counter and ran his hands over his face, "I should've turned this case down. I have no busy doing long term UC cases, I'm a dad."

"Don't do that boy wonder. You're doing good work here. Important work." She leaned into his side, "I've got to say this and I will only say it once. I'm proud of you. You've taken to fatherhood like a duck to water." She rested her head on his shoulder, "Mom is proud."

Adam laughed, "Thanks Mom." He turned to kiss the top of her head, "I needed a good laugh." He rolled his neck a bit desperate to work out the tension he was feeling, "I never thought I'd be a single dad, you know? Shit, I didn't think I'd be a father at all. I love it though, Cassie...she's everything."

"She's pretty special." Trudy smiled, "She's a really good kid, you and Hailey have done a great job. Talk about an odd pairing."

"Ah not my finest moment." Adam admitted sheepishly.

"We all have those moments, you know the kind when you've got your head so far up your own ass that you can't think straight." Trudy shrugged, "That mistake brought Cassie into the world and that fact alone makes it all worth it."

Adam's UC phone began to ring, "This is it." He'd been waiting on pins and needles for that last few hours for the call to come through and he was beginning to think it wouldn't happen.

"You ready, Son?"

"Absolutely, Mother." Adam smirked, he grabbed her purse from the counter and handed it to her, "Are you?"

"Momma was born ready." Platt replied, she hadnt been undercover like this in years and she'd been chomping at the bit, she was filled with nervous energy.

"Let's do this then." Adam guided her out of his small apartment and put to the car. He had reached out to his contact Ted and dropped a line about his mother looking for a bit of fun and Ted had taken the bait. He said he could set something up and that it may even benefit Adam or to be more specific _Scott_ , the name Adam had picked for this case. They'd be meeting the man in charge, though Adam was sure they'd have to jump through some hoops first.

He felt it in his gut, something was about to pop off.

"Voight, a minute?"

Hank made his way out to his truck almost when suddenly he heard a familiar voice call his name. He stopped in his tracks, just a few feet from his truck. He almost made it out of there.

 _Almost_.

Hank turned around to look at the man that had called his name,"Yeah. Sure." He then opened the back door and placed his things on the seat, "What's up?" He had known the man before him for nearly twenty years, their career paths had crossed numerous times over the years and they'd become friends. "Life boring at the 17th you feel the need to start slumming at the 21st?"

Rick Sutton rocked on his heels a bit, "You know those ritzy fuckers that surround the 17th are dull, I need to hit this place up for a little fun."

"Well...lets talk." Hank leaned back against his truck. "I've already had my fill of your cast offs, if I take another one of your patrol officers, Platt will have my balls."

Rick laughed a bit uncomfortably, "Perhaps we can talk inside. Your office."

Voight grabbed his things from his truck and locked it back up, he didn't tolerate his people leaving case files in their car, he wasn't about to do it either. "You're a bastard, you know that? Tonight was the first time I was able to duck out before midnight and now you're dragging my ass back inside."

Rick pursed his lips, "Sorry 'bout that."

"Forget it." Hank held the door open for him, "I won't lie, you've got me a bit worried."

They made it upstairs to the empty bullpen, the district as a whole was quiet. Second shift was winding down and it would soon be busy as hell with the shift change but for now it was quiet.

"Do we need to go in my office?" Hank asked as he turned the lights on, "Everyone has gone home for the night."

Rick shrugged, "Humor me."

Hank through his hands up in the air, "Alright then." He waved Rick into his office and closed the door behind him, "Scotch?"

Rick declined, "I'm on duty."

Hank returned it to the drawer and sat down, "What brings you by? I'm beginning to think it's not for the scintillating conversation."

He hemmed and hawed a bit, "Hank, man. This isn't easy, a couple of my patrol officers responded to a call of shots fired."

"Just spit it out, Sutts." His patience was waning, the pussyfooting around whatever he had to say was starting to piss him off.

Rick nodded, "A tender aged child was shot." He looked at his hands, "Cassandra Upton-Ruzek. I recognized the name."

"Fuck." Voight leaned back in his chair, "What the hell happened?"

"Don't really know. The DEA is icing us out."

Adam eyed the conversation between his _mother_ and their target, he had heard stories about Platt and her days undercover, they had been plenty. His Pops had quite a few stories to share and he was constantly praising her abilities to embrace a role. It never really hit home with him, until now.

Watching her work was a thing of beauty, she had their target eating out of the palm of her hand, he was hanging off her every word.

She was a master.

The look of pure disappointment flashed across the target's face when she told him she needed to get home. It had taken Adam by surprise, but it was her next move that had stunned him.

" _Listen, my baby boy could use some extra work. Do you think you could help him out? It would do this mama's heart a world of good" she reached over and patted Adam's cheek, "Scott is such a sweet boy, and a good worker. I can make it worth your while.." she purred._

It had worked like a charm.

Adam left the restaurant with a new job, he had made his way into the inner circle and he was that much closer to getting home to his daughter.

He sat in near darkness, just the light from the small desk lamp was on and it cast an eerie glow in the room.

He grabbed that bottle of scotch he kept tucked away back out and took a long pull straight from the bottle. He'd need all the courage he'd could muster, even if it was liquid courage and a false bravado.

Hank searched his files, when he found the one he needed, he made the hardest phone call he'd ever have to make.

 _ **I am sure this isn't going to be the chapter you wanted, but perhaps its the chapter you needed. You will get answers soon.**_


	9. Chapter 9

He had never been on this side of things before. He had to get out of the house, he had to escape that nightmare for just a minute. He hunched over gasping for air, he managed to take two deep breaths before he vomited. He stood upright but his stomach continued to retch, he vomited a second time.

Once he knew he wouldn't vomit again he wiped his mouth and took in the scene before him.

The police tape cordoned off the house, at least a dozen unmarked cars lined the street, his entire team had shown up including his supervisors. They had given him the third degree and then told him to keep his mouth shut until he spoke to someone from the DEA's legal team.

His negligence had killed Cassie, he had no need for an attorney. He was the reason Cassie was dead and he deserved whatever punishment would come his way.

They had soon learned it was a neighbor who had called the police. The police had shown up before the DEA, Hailey was still cradling Cassie's lifeless body in her arms.

Donovan had words with the guy who owned the house to the left of Hailey's house, he'd been the one to call the police. It wasn't the act of calling the police that had angered Donovan but rather the cellphone he had in his hand.

The asshole was filming as the cops arrived, he was relentless and wouldn't back off the second he had crossed the property line Donovan had enough. He had charged at him, told him to stop recording but the guy refused. Donovan was enraged and lunged at him, a couple of patrol officers intervened and order the neighbor to go home.

When the drama was over the neighbors had gone back Inside to their families, no longer concerned about what happened at the house on the corner.

Nothing was ever going to be the same on that block, once they learned of the horror that had happened just hours prior nothing would be the same.

They were the lucky ones.

Eventually the nightmare of today would fall into the deep recesses of their mind, just a passing thought.

For Hailey and Donovan, their nightmare had just begun.

One lone gunshot had ripped through the quiet of the early evening, and it sent them both running inside.

Donovan would never forget the sound of Hailey's screams as they discovered Cassie on the floor in the foyer, the puddle of deep red blood that pooled on the stark white tiled floor beneath her crumpled body.

His service weapon at her side.

He had to physically remove Hailey from Cassie's side, her cries were unlike anything he had ever heard before. She beat his chest as he dragged her into the kitchen, desperate to get her away from her daughter's body.

Donovan didn't want her to see Cassie, she didn't deserve to have this be her last memory of Cassie.

Hailey's entire body was shaking, as they hit the kitchen her knees buckled and she fell apart in his arms and sobbed. As she sat on the floor sobbing, Donovan had ducked into the dining room placed a call to his field supervisor they had shown up within minutes.

"Cassie!" Hailey sobbed, "My beautiful baby.."

"Shh..." Donovan held on as tightly as he could as she thrashed about, "Cassie's gone honey." He repeated it over and over again, as if he was trying to make himself believe it.

"No!" Hailey pushed away from him, "No! No!" She tried to leave the kitchen only to be met with wall of Donovan's co-workers.

"Stay in the kitchen Hailey. It's best." A middle aged mad told her, she didn't know his name and she didn't care, he was in her way.

"I need to get to my baby, she needs me." Hailey wiped the tears from her face, "Cassandra needs me." She got in his face, "Thats my baby! Move the fuck out of my way!" She used both her hands to push him out of the way, she knocked him backwards a bit but he was able to remain on his feet and stood his ground. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, instead choosing to look at his feet. He didn't want to see the sorrow in her eyes, he was a father as well.

She was living every parent's worst nightmare.

"I told you to move!" She grabbed his shirt collar, "...please...just move..." she lost her resolve and started to sob again.

"Donovan, you need to take her. She doesn't need to go in the living room." The man ignored her, "The coroner is here." The man had hold of her shoulders as he guided her into Donovan's arms.

Hailey stumbled a bit, thankfully the man caught her before she fell he took all of her weight on, "I'm so sorry." He handed her off to Donovan and slowly backed away.

Kim had been in a deep sleep when she received the text to report to work, she had jumped in the shower in hopes of clearing a bit of the mental fog that had settled over her. It did little to help, so she made a detour on the way in and grabbed an energy drink and downed it before leaving the bodega.

It had worked, a little too well. She hoped whatever had landed in their lap would allow her to burn some of that energy off.

She wasn't surprised to see that she was the first to arrive but it was a bit odd to see Voight's office door closed. She contemplated letting him know she had arrived, but chose to get caught up on her emails before everyone else arrived.

She could hear their voices as they filtered up the stairs, Atwater and Halstead where next followed by Antonio about twenty minutes later.

They shot the shit for a few minutes before attending to their own business, they worked silently for a bit before Voight's office door opened.

"Thanks for coming in." Voight shoved his hands into his pockets, it had been years since he had to hide his shaking hands from anyone.

"What's up?" Antonio had noticed Voight's red eyes, "We didn't catch a case..did we?" He closed his laptop and came out from behind his desk, "Hank? What happened?"

Hank bowed his head, "There's no easy way to say this..." slowly he looked up, looking at each of his team members before continuing.

"Yo, Sarge..is it Ruzek..." Kevin stammered, "...is Adam okay?"

Kim felt her breath hitch in her throat, she had the exact same thought but didn't have the courage to ask. She gripped the arm of her chair tightly, to the point her knuckles had turned white.

Hank cleared his throat, "Ruzek is fine." He went to Kim's desk and sat on the corner of it. Her desk faced outwards, the only spot in the bullpen where you could see everyone else's desk.

Ruzek wasn't fine, far from it,

"About two hours ago a buddy of mine stopped by, he's the sergeant at the 17th district. His patrol officers responded to a call earlier this evening. Reports of a gunshot in a residential area. Nine times out of ten those calls are nothing calls. Kids shooting off fireworks, a car back firing..any number of things but rarely a gunshot."

"Okay?" Halstead was confused, "What's that got to do with us? Are we working it?" This was bullshit, "please tell me we weren't pulled out of bed for a bullshit shots fired call." They'd been busting their asses the last few weeks, it was the first night in a long time that they'd gotten home at a decent hour and now they had been called out before sunrise.

"No. It's more than that.." Hank knew he needed to get to it but he was finding It impossible, once he said it out loud there was no turning back. "Fuck..." his bottom lip quivered slightly and his voice cracked, he cleared his throat once more, "...Earlier this evening Cassie Ruzek was killed." He paused, "She was shot..." he couldn't stop his voice from cracking he cleared his throat "...in the head..she's gone. I'm sorry" it was like ripping off a band aid, he knew it would hurt like hell to dance around it, it was best to just yank it off.

Not long after Sutts had left Voight made a few calls and learned Cassie had been killed. Platt was the very next call he had made. He was thanking his lucky stars that Platt had given him the phone number of her burner phone, it wasn't how they typically worked but that case was anything but typical. She assured him that she could handle telling Adam on her own, she needed to call the detective in charge of the operation to let him know they had to bail and then she was going to Adam's place to tell him. He offered to go with her, but she was quick to shut him down. The last thing she wanted to do was wait the hour or so it would take Voight to get to her.

"No..." Kevin stood up, "...nah, man. You're wrong, boss. You're wrong!" He pounded his palms on his desk, "...Miss Priss isn't dead..why the hell would you say that?" He suddenly charged at Voight, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" The room started to spin and Kevin felt his heart in his throat, "Nah...man...no..." his voice trailed off and his shoulders slumped.

Jay and Antonio rushed at him to contain him, "Kevin..." Antonio spoke, "C'mon man..." he braced himself as the much larger man fell into him, "I'm sorry..."

"What?" Jay asked, "What happened?" He could see Antonio comforting Kevin in his periphery.

"We're not entirely sure. It's why my buddy stopped by, the detectives from his district were turned away, the DEA is taking the lead." Voight explained, "No one has said what happened."

"She's gone?" Kim whispered. "Has anyone told Adam?"

"I called Trudy as soon as I found out, she's with Adam." Hank folded his arms across his chest, "Out of respect for Adam it's being kept quiet. CPD has assured me that it will remain that way, the DEA has promised to do the same, though I question their motives." He handed her the box of tissues, "Trudy is a mess, I know a little of what Adam is feeling, losing Justin hurt like hell, but he was grown lived his life. Made his choices, it fucking sucked and it was cruel. This? What Adam will have to deal? Losing a little kid... I can't even begin to imagine what that's like. Cassie was just a baby ." It had been one of the hardest calls he had ever made, hearing Trudy cry was gut wrenching. "She told Adam and is bringing him home. I expect them to be back in town within a few hours."

Kevin pulled himself together as best he could, "What about Adam's Pops has anyone told him yet?"

"No." Voight replied, "I wanted to get in touch with Trudy before I told anyone else. I'd tell Bob myself but I'm not sure it should come from me." Their bad blood was decades old and ran deep.

"I'll do it." Kevin offered, "I need to do it."

"I'll go with you." Halstead chimed in, "How's Hailey?" At one point Jay had thought they may have had a chance together, he had really liked her and they got on well but it was over for them before they even began. Once she had hooked up with Adam it was done, he wouldn't even entertain a hook up with his buddy's ex.

"I'm not sure. I imagine she's not doing well." Truthfully he didn't give two shits about her at the moment, "I would like us to look into this, talk to their neighbors. See what the DEA is doing, this isn't sitting well with me."

Kevin grabbed his keys, "I need to get out of here, get to Bob's place ." He felt the anger building within him, he was furious and heartbroken all at once. He had an overwhelming fear that news of Cassie's death would be leaked to the press and he wanted to make sure Bob heard it from him, not through the media.

"Thank you." Hank hugged him, "Tell him we are here for him and Adam both, if he needs anything all he has to do is ask."

"I will."

Once they had left Hank turned to Antonio and Kim, "I want you two to look into Donovan Backlin, see what you can find in his jacket. Look into Upton's caseload see if this someone with an ax to grind." He had been given nothing, all he knew was that Cassie had died from a single gunshot wound to the head. "My gut tells me that we aren't going to like what we find out."

"What're you thinking?" Antonio asked, "Seems off to me."

"I think the DEA is protecting one of their own." Hank grabbed the photo of Cassie that sat on Adam's desk, "A beautiful little girl is gone...our family has lost a loved one. We will find out what happened in that house." He set the photo back down and looked over at Kim. She looked awful, her face had lost all its color and her eyes were bloodshot from crying.

Hank got up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "Are you okay?" That was ridiculous question, "Are you okay to work? I understand if you can't."

"No." Kim was quick to reply, "I can do this, I want to do this. For Cassie." She stumbled on her words a bit, "I can't believe she's gone. She was just a little girl. Why would someone hurt her?"

"That's what we are going to find out." Hank told her.

He didn't dare tell them what he suspected.


	10. Chapter 10

She ended the call and sat on the edge of the bed, her hands trembled and she placed them under her thighs to still them.

Cassie was dead.

Tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks, she knew she had to get up and get moving but she was struggling to make sense of what Voight had told her.

The only thing they knew was that Cassie had been shot in the head and died instantly. Voight was pissed off to discover the DEA had refused to provide CPD with any details, she coildnt focus on that side of things. She needed to tell Adam, she quickly packed up the case files she had and tossed them in her overnight bag. She gathered up her personal belongings and added those to the bag. Once she was satisfied with that she called in the lead detective on the case and gave a rather vague explanation on why they were leaving and promised to get in touch with him once she was home.

She stood in the doorway for a moment before turning the light off and leaving, nothing was ever going to be the same.

As she got in the car she grabbed her cell phone from the glove box, she scrolled through her contacts and made the call.

He had just finished lacing up his boots when the phone rang, "Hello." He grumbled a bit out of breath.

"Ran..." She lost it at the sound of his voice.

"Trudy, Honey...What's wrong?" His heart raced, he hadn't spoken to her in weeks and to hear her crying on the other end of the phone was unsettling to say the least.

"Everything. It's all wrong" she cried, "it's all wrong."

Mouch was dangerously close to losing his shit, "Are you okay? Is the case finished? You've got to give me something, hon. I'm at a loss."

Trudy took a deep breath, "I can't tell you. Not yet. I'm okay." She knew it wasn't fair of her to call him, but she needed to hear his voice. "We've been pulled from the case. I'm coming home. I just needed to hear your voice, I love you."

"Babe, I love you too." He knew he should be excited that she was coming home but it was clear something had happened, "I know something is wrong, but I know that whatever it is you can handle it. You're incredibly strong and brave. I believe in you and I love you more than you'll ever know. I need you to come home to me. I need to hold you in my arms."

"I'm coming home," Trudy ignored the ache in her gut, "I'm coming home to you and I will need you to hold me. I love you."

"And I you." Randall wasn't surprised when the call ended abruptly. He was worried about her, there was no way in hell he was going to report for his shift. He fired off a quick text to Casey and gave a very brief and vague explanation for why he wouldn't be in and promised to call him later.

The drive to Adam's place was a quick one, and before she knew it she stood in front of his door.

She was going to break his heart.

She knocked on the door and waited.

He was in the bedroom watching television when he heard the knocking, he reached over and pulled his gun from the nightstand, he wasn't expecting anyone. It was too early for Platt to visit and he still had a few hours before he was do to report for his new job.

He tiptoed through the small house, he turned on the small lap in his living room, he glanced out the window and saw Platt's small sedan parked in front of his place. He grabbed his shirt off the back of the couch and put it on. He set the handgun on top of the fridge before unlocking the front door.

"Did we get our lines crossed?" Adam asked as he welcomed her inside, "I didn't think we were meeting up until tonight."

Trudy moved to sit down on the small sofa, "I have to tell you something." She stuffed her hands under her thighs, "...Adam..."

Adam sat on the arm of the sofa, "What's going on?"

Trudy closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing, a deep breath in and a long slow breath out. She had made a handful of death notifications in her career but never one for a child and never for someone that she cared about.

Adam Ruzek drove her absolutely crazy on a good day but she had a lot of respect for him. He was good police and an even better father and she loved watching his eyes light up when he spoke about Cassie.

Adam grabbed her hand, "You're scaring me..." he stood up and sat next to her on the sofa, "Is it my pops?"

Trudy but the inside of her bottom lip as she shook her head no, "Adam, honey..." she started to cry, "I'm so sorry...I'm so very sorry..."

Adam was on his feet, fear overpowering him. "What?" He asked her, "What is it? Why are you sorry? What the hell is going on?" The color had drained from his face and his hands trembled.

"It's Cassie..." Trudy's voice cracked, "She's dead."

"Dead?" Adam shook his head in disbelief, "Dead?" He repeated himself, "She can't be." He felt the bile rise up his throat, his vision grew blurry, "What...do...you...mean?" He found it increasingly harder to speak. In the deepest recesses of his mind he knew exactly what she meant, he just refused to acknowledge it.

"Sit down." She grabbed a hold of his hands and guided him back to the sofa, "Please, Sit." He ignored her request, she knew she needed to get through to him, "Yesterday afternoon there was..." she stammered a bit, unable to find the right words "...an incident...Cassie is dead, Adam. I am so very sorry." She blurted it out.

He yanked his hands away, "No!" His hands shot to the top of his head and he started to cry, "No...my baby..,not my baby..." his cries were guttural, the kind of cries that started at the very pit of your stomach and ripped though your entire being, "...my baby girl...what..."

"She didn't suffer, Adam. She died instantly." Trudy told him, why she didn't know it didn't make any of this easier.

"No..." he collapsed in a heap and sobbed.

Trudy kneeled down beside him and wrapped her arms around him.

Bob Ruzek flipped the lights on as he moved through his house, the day had just begun, "I'm coming..I'm coming..." he huffed at whoever rang his doorbell for at least the third time. It wasn't uncommon for someone to ring his doorbell at odd hours. The neighbors knew he was a police officer and often called on him for help, though just after sunrise was a bit extreme.

He recognized the unmarked car that was parked in front of his house as belonging to CPD and he felt sick.

He checked the peephole and saw Atwater and Halstead.

His blood ran cold.

He moved quickly to unlock the door and jerked it open, "Where's Adam? Is he okay?"

Jay took the lead, "He's fine. Can we come in?"

Bob was puzzled but relieved, "Uh, sure come in." He stepped aside to let them in, "What can I do for you?"

Kevin lagged behind a bit, and Bob picked up on it "What's up Kevin?" He looked between the two men, "Clearly this isn't a social call. Feel free to start talking at any time."

An awkward silence hung in the air for a few minutes before Bob broke the silence, "I'm sick to my stomach, whatever it is that brought you both here isn't good. Please just tell me."

Kevin moved closer to him, "Pops..." he often referred to Bob as _Pops_ , he had grown quite close with him.

With his hand on his shoulder he told him.

"You can't be serious..." Bob muttered, "not my sweet Cassie, she can't be dead. She's just a little girl with so much life left to live." He did his best to stifle the sobs that were threatening to escape but it was a battle he'd never win.

"I'm so sorry." Kevin pulled him into bear hug.

Jay looked at his palms, his own eyes welling up with tears.

Bob abruptly pulled away from Kevin, he covered his face with his hands wiping away the tears. He cleared his throat and spoke with a shaky voice, "What happened?"

Jay stepped up, "We aren't clear on the details yet, Cassie died from a gunshot..." he coughed a bit in hopes of disguising the emotion that filled his words, "..she was shot in the head and she died instantly."

"She was shot?" Bob wanted to vomit, "Where was she? What about her mother is she okay..." he stopped mid sentence and changed the direction of his questions, "Oh my god...Adam..I need to get to Adam. Where is he? Oh my god has anyone told him?" He was distraught.

Jay held his hands up to stop him, "Platt has been notified. She told Adam, they're on their way back."

"Miss Priss was at home with her mother when it happened. That's all we know." Kevin added.

"Why the hell are you here? You should be getting answers!" Bob's grief switched to anger, "You need to find out who killed my granddaughter!"

"We are on it. Voight will get answers" Jay assured him, "Is there someone we can call for you?"

"No." Bob replied, "I would like to be alone for a bit." He went to the couch and sat down, "will you please call me as soon as Adam is back in town."

"Of course." Jay replied, "Call us if you need anything."

"I love you Pops." Kevin leaned down to hug him, "I'm here for you and Adam both. You're my family."

"Thank you Kevin."

Mouch made his way upstairs, he hadn't planned on coming here and lord knows he tried to stay way but he couldn't get the sound of her voice out of his head. His wife was devastated and he didn't know why. She would have his balls for coming here but he didn't give two shits, he needed answers.

As he entered the bullpen he noticed Burgess and Dawson at their desks, he could see the door to Voight's office was closed.

"Kim." Mouch smiled at her, "Good morning."

Kim looked up at him, "Morning." There was nothing good about it, "Can I help you?"

Mouch pointed to Voight's office, "I need to speak with Hank. Is he busy?"

Kim got up and knocked on the door, "Boss..." she opens the door a bit and poked her head inside, "Mouch is here. He'd like to speak with you." Kim nodded her head at his response and then turned back around to face Mouch, "You can go in."

"Thank you." Mouch was relieved, he feared Hank wouldn't give him the time of day. He stopped in front of Kim, "Are you okay?" She looked awful, her face was blotchy and her eyes puffy and red rimmed.

"I'm okay." Kim lied, "Go on in."

Hank had made a few calls and and had learned what had led up to Cassie's death, his worst fears had been realized but he had yet to tell the team and wouldn't tell them until after he told Adam.

"Mouch." Hank pointed to the chair in front of his desk, "What can I do for you?"

Mouch decided to decline the invitation to sit, "I spoke to Trudy earlier, she was crying. She was clearly distraught but she told me nothing. I need to know if she's okay. She said she was but I don't buy it. Something is wrong."

Hank was shocked to learn Trudy had called him, "What did she say?"

"I just told you." Mouch bit back, "Nothing. She's not right, I could tell just by hearing her voice, Something is wrong. Very wrong, she was crying, she lost it at one point. She said she's coming home." He had missed her terribly, he had picked a few extra shifts to help pass the time. "Something happened on that case and so help me god Hank..." his hands balled up into fists at his sides, "...if she's been hurt..."

"Woah." Hank stood up and held his hands up to diffuse the situation, he could see Mouch becoming more and more agitated as he spoke, "You've got my word that Trudy is safe."

"Safe? That's not good enough. That tells me nothing!" He replied.

"Mouch, I get it. I do. I can't discuss what's going on. Trudy should be back here soon, she'll need to be debriefed but that won't take long. I'm sure you'll be the first person she seeks out. She will tell you everything when she gets home."

"Shit..." his frustration was mounting, "Hank...I'm begging you man.."

"I'm sorry." Hank replied, "I really am. I can't discuss the case."

"Fine." Mouch turned to leave, "Tell my wife to call me as soon as you see her."

Donovan gripped the edge of the countertop, his thoughts haunted with the vision of Cassie's lifeless body, Hailey's screams echoing in his head. He was really worried about Hailey she hadn't slept at all and he worried about the baby she was carrying. He had begged her to try and sleep, tried to get her to eat something and she refused.

She was in the shower and he was taking a few minutes to himself. He had a liaison from the agency's legal team coming over to take his statement and he was terrified that he was going to lose everything.

Hailey was so out of it she hadn't yet realized that he was the reason Cassie was dead, he might has well have pulled the trigger, why didn't he take the extra five minutes and put his gun in the safe?

His negligence had resulted in Cassie's death, he didn't know how he was going to live with himself.

He didn't know how Hailey could live with him.

Trudy exchanged a few texts with Voight and she had been told she was to bring Adam straight to the 21st, and that was where she was headed.

Adam hadn't uttered a word since they got in the car, she kept stealing glances at him as she drove, he cried the entire time. It ebbed and flowed in intensity and it broke her heart, she placed her hand on his thigh and kept it there.

"No." Adam spoke when they pulled into the parking lot of the 21st, "I want to see my daughter..." he choked on his words, "...I need to see my baby."

Trudy found a spot near the door and parked, "Hank wanted me to bring you here first, once we've talked to Hank I will take you wherever you want to go."

"Adam is here." Kim announced, "Platt just texted me, they'll be up in five.".

 _ **Thank you for all the kind reviews, they're much appreciated. Be on the lookout for weekly updates, I'm currently writing as I go so there will be a bit of wait between chapters. I'm hoping to wrap this up soon, maybe 2-3 more chapters left to go.**_

 _ **Thanks again!**_


	11. Chapter 11

The ache in Adam's gut was growing with each step he made towards Voight's office, when they finally made it to the bullpen it was massive. He was met with grim faces, Kevin jumped up from his desk first.

"Adam, man." Kevin was sullen, "I love you, I'm here for you." He engulfed him in a hug and both men were in tears.

They stood like that for a good bit, Adam was the first to end the hug. He reached up and wiped his face with his hands, "Thanks.." he had no fucking clue how to respond to him but _thanks_ seemed to be his best option.

One after the other they approached him, their faces incredibly sad and their voices soft. They mumbled a few words before hugging him.

Kim was the last one, "Adam...I don't know what to say..." she folded her arms across her chest, she hadn't hugged him in years, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Her words stung and he just nodded his head, he had never cared much for that phrase but right now he hated it, he knew she meant well but it made his skin crawl.

"Let's go Adam." Trudy beckoned him towards Voight's office, she waited for him to go inside before turning her back to the office, "Nobody go anywhere, we have a lot to discuss."

Adam was like a caged animal, he refused to sit down.

"First off, you've got my deepest condolences. I can't even begin to know what you're dealing with right now." Hank told him, "I'm just going to tell you what I know."

Platt slipped her hand in Adam's and gave it a squeeze. Adam didn't speak he, he couldn't speak, the second he opened his mouth he knew he'd fall apart.

"Adam, there is no easy way to say this, I'm just going to say it." Hank looked at his hands, "Yesterday, Cassie accidentally shot herself."

"What?" Platt gasped. How was this possible? How the hell did she have access to a gun?

"We aren't clear on how she got ahold of the gun or who it belonged to." Hank watched as Adam processed what he had said, "What can I do?"

"Can I go now?" Adam muttered, "I need to go see my daughter."

Both Hank and Trudy watched in amazement as Adam stormed out of the office, he had this strange look on his face and his demeanor had shifted from grief stricken father to something they couldn't quite label.

It was as if he became detached, he was emotionless.

Kim sucked in a breath when Adam exited the office, his face was like stone. It made her blood run cold, "Adam..." she called out to him but he never acknowledged her, he just stomped down the stairs.

She chased after him, "Adam...wait!" She was a step or two behind him but caught up with him just outside the district she grabbed him by the arm, "Adam...I was calling your name..."

"I heard you." Adam snapped back, "I just..." He stammered as his voice cracked, "...I need to go"." He looked down at her hand on his arm, "I gotta go...just let me go...please?"

Kim released his arm, "Okay...I'm so sorry...Adam, I want to help. Tell me what I can do."

"Nothing. I don't need your pity." Adam replied, she was blocking his path, "Let me go...please.."

Kim realized she was in his way, she stepped aside, "Where are you going?"

"To see my daughter."

She stood and watched as he fled down the stairs, she stood rooted in place for a few moments before returning to her desk.

Kim returned to her desk just as Hank decided it was time to tell them what he had found out.

"I need a few minutes of your time." He explained, he waited a few minutes until he had everyone's attention, "Cassie's death was an accidentally shooting. It was self inflicted, she got a hold of a gun, at this point I don't know whose it was...it doesn't matter though. This was preventable."

"Fuck.." Kevin muttered under his breath, a level of anger that he never knew existed coursed through him.

"Are you serious?" Jay asked, "unfuckingbelievable..." he muttered under his breath as he hung his head, "you just let Ruzek walk out of here?" He was blown away, "do we think that's a good idea?"

Kim glared at him, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jay held his hands up in defense of himself, "I don't know...,he's angry that's all. Should he be alone? All of this is so fucked up.." he sat down heavily, "I don't know...I don't know what to fucking say to him or what to do..."

"None of us know, man. None of us." Antonio chimed in, "We just need to be there for him."

Bob couldn't sit at home and he couldn't bring himself to go over to Adam's house, he had jumped his in car and started driving. As he pulled up to the building the lump in his chest grew exponentially and he was struggling to breathe, the building was as nondescript as it could get. It was a place he was familiar with, there were multiple buildings on property all of them belonging to the city of Chicago.

The one he was headed to was set further back from the others, almost hidden from view. It made sense, no one wanted to go there and most people avoided it like the plague.

Nothing good ever came from a visit here.

He parked in one of the spots near the front door, the bold black letters on the glass of the doors brought fresh tears to his eyes.

 _City Morgue_.

At some point as he drove around the city it hit him where he needed to be. He needed to be wherever his precious granddaughter was, it's where Adam would be if he could and being that he still wasn't home yet, Bob took it upon himself to be there.

Hailey twisted the hospital bracelet on her wrist, she wanted no part of being here but she didn't have the strength to fight it. She had fainted and Donovan insisted on getting her checked out, she was currently hooked up to a fetal heart monitor and while things looked good she was being held for observation.

She had said very little since arriving, she kept her gaze trained on the window and the only sound coming from her was the occasional sob.

Donovan sat in the small recliner to the left of her bad, his hands clasped together as if he was praying. It had gotten ugly when the legal team from the DEA had shown up at the house and interviewed him. Hailey had become enraged with him, she began to punch the hell out of his chest before collapsing in tears in his arms. He held her as she cried, she called out Cassie's name over and over again before she fainted.

He had gone through every emotion possible in the hours since Cassie died, it had been eighteen hours of pure torture, hell on earth. The lawyers had assured him that he'd be okay, they didn't think he'd face any criminal charges but he would likely have to sit before the internal reviews team and that a suspension was a definite possibility. He laughed in their faces, it was eerie and he didn't even realize he was laughing. He didn't give a fuck what the DEA did to him, he hated himself.

He deserved whatever they tossed at him and then some.

Bob was a coward, he couldn't bring himself to go inside choosing instead to sit on the small bench near the entrance. He had a death grip on his cell phone, almost willing it to ring and when it finally did ring it startled him and he dropped it on the ground.

Adam caught sight of his father and he lost it, "Dad!" It was a garbled cry and Bob's head snapped up.

"Oh...Son..." Bob brought his fist to his mouth pressing it against his lips, "My boy...my boy..." in that moment Adam wasn't a grown man but a little boy. Bob had never felt such pain before in his life, losing Cassie was unbearable. Seeing his son absolutely devastated over the loss his child, was gut wrenching.

The world stood still in that moment, as father and son embraced. They're anguished cries mingled with the sounds of the city as it sprang to life.

Bob pulled back and reached out to touch Adam's face, "I'm so sorry, son."

Adam pulled back from his father's touch, "Have you gone inside yet?" He asked with a shaky voice, "Have you seem her?"

"I couldn't..." Bob admitted, "I couldn't do it."

"Okay." Adam bobbed his head up and down, "I need to. I need to see my little girl." He felt as if he was on auto pilot, it was all a bit surreal and he feared the worst was yet to come.

"I'll go with you." Bob didn't want to see her, he knew the level of damage a bullet could cause and he didn't want his last image of Cassie to be laying on a slab in the morgue. His granddaughter was a beautiful little girl, with kind eyes and a smile that cure whatever ailed you. There was no way in hell he'd allow his son to go through this nightmare alone, Adam needed him.

The corridors were long and depressing the building held a chili that brought goosebumps and made the hair and the back of your neck stand on end.

Adam fished his wallet out of his back pocket, he approached the receptionist's desk with his drivers license in hand, "I'm here..." he stumbled on his words, he went silent and stood with his mouth agape, time standing still.

The receptionist was a middle aged woman, her hair pulled into a tight bun atop her head her glasses sat on the tip of her nose, threatening for fall off.

"Good morning..." she was soft spoken almost whispering, "..what can I do for you?" She could spot the family of the deceased from a mile away and he was definitely kin to someone being held at there, "...take your time..."

Adam closed his eyes and bowed his head, he felt Bob's hand on his shoulder. He needed the knot in his chest to lessen just a bit so he could speak. He coughed in effort to clear his throat, "I'm...Adam Ruzek..." he was seriously struggling to not cry, "...I'm...my..."

"Oh..." it hit her who he was, "Say no more." She took his license from him and quickly filled the paperwork out for him, only handing it back for him to sign in, "have a seat, someone will be out shortly to take you in the back."

Adam stood up when the man approached them.

"Morning, I'm Marcus. Let's go somewhere private to talk." He motioned towards a vacant room with his hand.

"I'd like to see my daughter." Adam replied, he didn't want to talk he just wanted to see his baby girl. Why didn't anyone get that?

"I understand, let's just talk first okay?"

They followed him into the small room, it held a small sofa and two oversized chairs a table sat in the middle of the room.

Marcus motioned to the sofa, "First, I'm terribly sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now."

Bob could see Adam getting worked up, "Thank you."

"I understand your desire to see your daughter, but I want to warn you that your daughter suffered a catastrophic head injury." He had been a coroner for twenty years and he had struggled with seeing Cassie, "...if you want to see her I will take you but I need you to be prepared."

"I need to see her." Adam stood up, "She is my little girl, I have to see her."

Bob knew he couldn't handle seeing Cassie, "Can I have a minute alone with my son?"

Marcus nodded, "Absolutely. I will be just down the hall." He slipped out of the room closing the door as he left.

"Adam, Son." Bob looked him in the eye, "I don't think seeing..." he couldn't bring himself to utter the words _Cassie's body_ so he left the rest of his sentence unsaid, "...I don't think it's a good idea..."

Adam tried to push past him, Bob placed his hands against Adam's chest to try and stop him, "Please Adam..don't do this, don't have that be your last memory of Cassandra. I'm begging you son."

"Get your hands off me!" He pushed his hands away, "I'm going to see my daughter..." his voice cracked but he pushed on, "I need to see her."

Her voice startled him, "I did this..."

Donovan jumped up and was at her side, "No, Hailey. No. This is on me." He caressed her cheek, "I am so sorry..." his voice broke, "...I will never forgive myself, I'm so sorry I killed your daughter, my god I'm so sorry..." he began to cry. His cries turned to sobs, gut wrenching soul crushing sobs.

"No..." Hailey cried with him, "...oh my god...no...my baby...I want my baby back..."

Her cries had cut him to the quick and pulling him from his own personal hell, he climbed in the bed with her. Hailey was exhausted beyond words and her ragged breaths eventually leveled off, her breathing slowed off she drifted off to a fitful sleep.

Donovan groaned when he had heard the creak of the door and the doctor clear his throat, "I'm sorry.."

"It's ok." Donovan replied before turning his attention to Hailey.

"Hailey, honey. The doctor is here." Donovan whispered in her ear, he was still a bit groggy. He hadn't slept at all since this nightmare had started.

"Okay." Hailey mumbled and shifted in his arms. His tears had broken her heart, and hearing him speak of his guilt over Cassie's death was hard to listen to. Every aspect of this was hard, it was an awful accident.

"Everything looks good regarding the pregnancy, keeping you here overnight is unnecessary. I can't fathom how you're feeling right now, but I need to take care of yourself. I need you to eat. You need to sleep, I know you're dealing with a lot right now and your emotions are all over the map but that little one you're carrying needs you to take care of yourself."

Hailey nodded in acknowledgment, "Okay." Her responses were short and even one word responses took more energy than she had.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." Donovan forced an uncomfortable smile.

"The nurses will be in shortly with your discharge papers, please try and get some rest. You need it. Both of you."

The room was freezing, Adam wrapped his arms tightly across his chest trying to ward off the cold. He had been here dozens of times but he never stood in this room before, he was in the family room. He was to wait in the family room until Marcus came for him, he then be taken into the morgue and he'd finally get to see his little girl.

Marcus poked his head in the room, "Are you sure?" He had prepared the body for viewing, he placed a sheet over the head, "You don't have to do this."

He most certainly did.

Adam hadn't seen his little girl in nearly two months, he would never forgive himself for it. He never should've taken that case on, perhaps if he hadn't she'd still be alive.

"I have to." Adam told him.

He followed Marcus inside, he'd been in this room a hundred times, seen enough dead bodies to last him a lifetime, but this was different.

It was his baby.

He felt his breath hitch in his throat as the approached the table where Cassie lay. She was covered from head to toe with a sheet, except for her hand. He felt a surge of tears rush to fill his eyes, he carefully took her small slender hand in his, it felt foreign.

It was cold and waxy, it was nothing like the soft warm hand he remembered, her nails were painted a light purple.

He brought it to his face, turning it over to lay her palm against his cheek, he closed his eyes letting the reality of it all wash over him. It hit him like a ton of bricks, he moved her hand to his lips and he held it there.

"I'm so sorry..." He began to talk to her, "I'm so sorry my lass. Daddy will love you forever, I will miss you forever. I never should've went on the job, I should've been here. I should've been here for you. You're my little girl..." he sobbed, "...I love you..." he placed another kiss on her hand before laying it down on the table. "I can't do this. I can't..." it was then he noticed the small tendril of hair peaking out from under the sheet, he reached out and held it between his thumb and index finger, it was still soft as silk. "Daddy loves you..." he left her hair fall from his grip, he backed away from her body unable to turn his back on her. "I have to get out of here.." he yanked the door open, "I'm so sorry..." he left and never looked back.

Bob made his way down the long corridor follow the directions the receptionist gave him, as he turned the corner he spotted Adam sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and he was crying.

Bob approached him, "Adam..."

"I couldn't do it...I couldn't do it..." Adam sobbed, "I couldn't dad..." he knew the damage bullets did to flesh and when Marcus brought him to stand at the side of Cassie's body he felt his knees buckle. He had touched her hand and it ripped his heart to shreds. "I held her hand...it was so cold...I touched her hair...it was soft..the way it is after her bath..." he confessed, "I ran out of the room. I ran from my daughter..."

The walls were closing in on him, the anvil on his chest was getting heavier by the second.

"It's okay..." Bob told him, "...it's better this way, you don't want that to be your last memory of her." Bob's heart had been put through the wringer, and as devastated as he was over losing Cassie, seeing Adam like this was more than he could bare.

"I left her...why..." Adam sobbed, "...why did I leave her? I want my kid, I need her." He wailed, he started to gasp for air, "I want..." each breath was a struggle "...my god..why..." he pulled away from Bob, he tried to run but Bob stopped him.

Bob took hold of Adam's face in his hands, "Adam. Son, look at me." He implored him, he tilted Adam's head up so he was looking him in the eye, "You did nothing wrong..."

Anger flashed across Adam's face, "I did everything wrong!" He jerked his head away, "Every Fucking thing I did was wrong! She didn't want me to go..." the anger from his voice dissipated and he was no longer, "...but I went and now she's dead!" He jumped up to his feet and began to pace.

Bob flinched at his words.

Adam continued on, "I wanted to stop those bastards, save someone else's kid...and in the process I let mine down. My kid is fucking dead..." He hunched over a bit, "...I couldn't save my daughter..." he fell back against the wall gasping for air, "...I didn't save my baby..."

Bob didn't know what to say, "Adam, I love you son." He placed his hands on Adam's back, "This wasn't your fault. It was an awful horrible accident." He ushered him towards the exit, "Let's go home."

"No...no..." Adam shook his head frantically, "I can't go home."

"I'll take you to my place." Bob kept his hand on Adam's back, "I will drive you."

"I've got a car here."

"Kevin or Jay will get it. It doesn't matter right now, come on son. Let's go home." He wasn't going to take no for answer, Adam didn't need to be alone right now and neither did he.

Adam sat in silence as Bob drove, about ten minutes into the drive Adam spoke, "Have you spoken to Hailey at all?" The silence had been unsettling and Adam couldn't take it any longer.

"No." Bob stole a quick glance at Adam.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Bob shrugged, "it never crossed my mind to be honest. Do you want to see her?"

Adam shifted in his seat, "No."

 _ **First off, I apologize for the delay in getting this posted. There's no excuse for it and I hope to post the next chapter in a more timely matter. There is at least one more chapter to come, possibly two. It all depends on how things come together, my goal is to have the next chapter posted within the next two weeks.**_

 _ **I appreciate those of you that are sticking with me, I don't deserve it. LOL.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hell week._

He heard that phrase uttered dozens of times.

It was used to describe a dozen unpleasant scenarios, more often than not it was used to describe something that was physically taxing.

The last time he had used it he was in his last few weeks at the academy, he was taking tests and having to push his body past the point of exhaustion. He could still feel the burn in his muscles when he allowed his mind to wander back to that time.

The academy had been kicking his ass and he had even thought about throwing the towel in, for as much as the physical shit was weighing it was the mental stuff that nearly ended it for him.

He'd never be accused of being a good student in high school he had always managed to pass by the skin of his teeth. The academy was no different, he was busting his ass and barely keeping his head above water.

The day Al had shown up and pulled him for a job in intelligence was the day everything changed for him, he might've even referred to it as the best day of his life.

Then his baby girl was born and he had felt emotions he never knew existed within him, a love that was unconditional, fear that was suffocating at times, a feeling of pride knowing that he could call the world's most beautiful girl his daughter.

He knew now that what he went through back then was nothing, just a mere blip on the radar.

He was firmly entrenched in hell week.

Having to bury your child before she turned five?

That was fucking hell week.

It had been exactly a week since Cassie's death and Adam still struggled to wrap his head around it.

He was heartbroken.

He had spent the first few days in a hotel, unable to step foot in a house that was filled with memories of his daughter.

The hotel had provided him with anonymity, no one knew who he was or what he was going through, no one gave two shits about him.

Unfortunately he'd been pretty easy to track down, he blamed his father for that. He wasn't certain but he had a hunch that his pops had sent Kevin his way, and it was Kevin who sent Voight.

He chucked the 'Do not disturb' sign on the door and ignored them, they eventually gave up and left. He had turned his phone off, he didn't want to talk to anyone and he couldn't bare to see Cassie's photo every time he picked it up.

He sat in complete darkness, the curtains pulled tight to keep the sun from peeking in, the floor around the bed littered with empty beer cans. He wasn't proud of the fact that he had drank himself into oblivion, but it was the only way to get Cassie out of his head.

Only it hadn't helped in fact it made it worse, he hated himself for wanting to forget Cassie, even if it was just for a night. He vowed that he'd never forget his little girl, and he knew in that moment he needed to get home.

He needed to be surrounded by her things, he needed to touch things that she had touched, he longed to feel her in his arms. Her tiny soft as silk hand in his, he needed to feel the weight of her against his chest as they cuddled on the couch and watched some ridiculous television show.

He would doze off as she zoned out to whatever show she was currently obsessed with, only waking up when she would kiss the tip of his nose and chant _Daddy_ over and over again until his eyes would flutter open. He'd then have to do his best to convince her that he did in fact watch the show. She never bought it though, she knew he was sleeping but it was what they did.

The first night home had been ugly, he had cried for hours on end. He had lay in her bed that night and he never slept more thirty minutes at a clip, he would lay there motionless clutching her favorite stuffed animal and her blanket close to his chest and sob.

That was the only time he had been in her room, and now days later the door to her bedroom was shut and no one was allowed inside. He didn't want anyone touching her things, he wanted the room to remain exactly as Cassie had left it.

Once he had gone home he could no longer hide away from the world, it seemed either His dad or Kevin were at the house. Kevin had come under the guise of doing some minor plumbing repair in Adam's master bathroom. Adam relented and let him in but made himself scarce and didn't say more than a few words to him. He just didn't have it in him to carry on as if nothing had happened.

Something had happened, his worst nightmare had happened and he was fighting to keep it together.

If Adam was trying to keep memories of Cassie tucked away, Hailey wanted them on display for the world to see.

Hailey had pulled all of her photographs of Cassie through the years, four and a half years didn't amount to a lot of photos. Cassie was just shy of her fifth birthday, she had so much left to experience, it was almost more than she could bare.

Her anguished cries had Donovan running to her side, "Oh...babe..." he moved to sit beside her on the couch, "I'm so sorry.."

Hailey pinched the bridge of her nose, "Stop!" She screamed startling Donovan, "Just Stop! STOP SAYING YOU'RE SORRY! Just stop..please..." she begged him, falling into his open arms, "...please.."

"Okay." Donovan rubbed her back, "Okay..l" he didn't know why she hadn't left him yet but he was grateful that she hadn't left. He was cleared of any criminal wrong doing and the IA investigation had resulted in changes to the policies regarding service weapons but it decided against suspension or any other disciplinary action, Donovan was suffering enough that they didn't need to add to it.

It was ruled an accident, an awful accident and they would work on preventing such accidents.

"I miss her...it hurts...so much.." Hailey weeped, "I want it to stop."

He sighed heavily, "I wish I could make it stop for you...I will do anything I can to help you.." he tucked her hair behind her ear, "I just don't know what to do."

"I don't either." Hailey told him, she turned in his arms and lifted a photo from the coffee table. "this is my favorite photo of Cassie..." her voice cracking as she spoke her daughter's name, "Do you remember?"

Donovan took the photo from her, Cassie was smiling from ear to ear as she rode the carousel at LEGO Land, "I do. It was our first weekend trip together, I think that was the day I fell in love with Cassie. She was so much fun that day, it was amazing to see it all through her eyes, she was in awe." He chuckled a bit, "The energy she had...wow..."

"That was all Adam, she has..." she stopped mid sentence and corrected herself, "...had. She had his unending supply of energy. She was that way from day one, sleep was so low on her priority list. She was always so observant, constantly watching what everyone around her was doing, it was like her head was on a swivel."

"She was a beautiful little person. I hope that this one..." he placed his hand on her stomach, "..will be just like her. I want our baby to know all about Cassie, and how excited Cassie was to be a big sister."

"Was she?" Hailey's eyes grew dark, "I keep thinking about what Bob said..." she paused, "That day. What if she wasn't excited? What if my little girl died thinking we were replacing her?"

Donovan's blood ran cold, "No! Don't go there. Cassie didn't think that, no way in hell. She was excited, I saw it. You saw it, we both saw it. She was genuinely excited, was she confused? Maybe a little bit. This kind of thing is confusing to a kid. But she was excited, she didn't think we were replacing her." He pulled in a deep breath and blew it out slowly, "I could kick that son of a bitch's ass for putting those thoughts in your head."

She didn't want to go down that path with him, she was afraid that there'd be a physical altercation between him and Adam. She knew if Donovan pressed it that'd be exactly what happened, and that was the last thing she needed, they had a funeral to plan.

Planning a funeral for your child was never going to be easy, that wasn't supposed to be how it worked. The parents weren't supposed to bury the child, and definitely not before the child turned five.

It was also the first time she and Donovan would see Adam since the shooting. Hailey had been the first to reach out, in the method of a text message. It was the easiest method of communication, not that you could actually call it communicating.

Hailey would send an in depth message only for Adam to respond with a either a _yes_ , _no_ , or a _fine_. Hailey had messaged him the information for the funeral home and their appointment information and never heard back from him, she could only hope he would show up.

She and Donovan were first to arrive, they opted to wait outside for Adam to arrive. The funeral home had a small garden complete with a koi pond just off the main entrance, it was clearly meant to give those grieving the loss of a family member a quiet place to sit.

Under different circumstances Hailey would've enjoyed it, the soft trickle of the water as it cascaded over the rocks was calming but in her current state in only added to her anxiety.

They sat in silence for the most part, Donovan speaking every so often just to hear something other than the water.

Adam paced the length of the driveway, he had wanted to drive himself but his father made it clear that there was no way in hell he would allow it.

Adam knew it was pointless to argue with him, it wouldn't change Bob's mind and it was best he just let it go. He did the same with Kevin, Kevin was quick to volunteer to accompany them both to the funeral home.

Adam was losing his patience, he had yet another sleepless night and it was seriously grating on his nerves that neither his father or Kevin had arrived yet, neither one was late by any means but Adam wanted to be gone by now.

Kevin's black truck pulled up to the curb and Adam met him before he even exited the vehicle.

His best friend had been a pillar of support, it didn't surprise Adam in the least but the way he'd been treating Kevin he had expected him to turn tail and run, not Kevin. Nope. Kevin simply dug his heels in and remained at his side. Adam knew if the roles had been reversed, he'd be at Kevin's side, just as Kevin was at his side.

Adam recognized that this was hard for Kevin, he knew how much his buddy adored Cassie, and Cassie thought he walked on water. Despite knowing how hard this was for Kevin, Adam couldn't handle that right now, he couldn't see past his own grief.

"Hey..." Kevin lumbered out of his truck, he looked like shit and Adam was sure he looked just as bad if not worse.

"Hey." Adam shrugged, "You talk to my pops? Has he left yet? We need to get going." He was bouncing on his toes, his was filled with an unbelievable feeling of dread he wanted to get this over with it.

Kevin wrapped an arm around Adam, "I haven't. We agreed to meet at eight thirty, its just eight. I'm early." He guided Adam towards the pathway leading to the front door, "Have you eaten?"

"I didn't. I'm not hungry." Adam shrugged Kevin's arm off of him, "I can't eat...I can't sleep...I can't..man...I just can't." He felt defeated, "I can't do this Kev." His voice cracked and he came dangerously close to losing it.

"Alright...Alright. I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you." Kevin admitted, he to was at a loss as to how he was supposed to cope with Cassie's death, "I just wanna help you."

"I know. I appreciate it." Adam looked him in the eye, "It's just you can't...there's nothing that'll help." He sat on the arm of the couch, "...it's suffocating..I feel like the walls are closing in on me, I'm lost man."

Kevin sighed, "I am here for you. Whatever you need. Whenever you need it."

The tone of Adam's voice shifted from anguish and despair to cold and filled with anger, "I need you to keep me from killing that son of a bitch who killed my daughter. That's what I need from you." He was teetering on the brink of committing murder and he was sure seeing both Hailey and Donovan today would be what pushed him over the edge.

Kevin nodded his head, "Done."

"I'd do it to. I'd love watching the life drain from him...I'd kill him slowly." Adam smirked, "I've envisioned it a thousand times..." he paused, "...then I see Cassie's face..she loved him. What did that get her?" He balled his hands into fists, "my baby is dead because of that dumb fuck. Kevin, I want to kill that prick with my bare hands. I want to bury him!"

"Adam..." Bob felt his heart in his throat, he had just arrived and overheard their conversation, "please don't talk like that, please son."

"Why the fuck not? I don't give a shit anymore." Adam threw his hands up, "nothing matters anymore, I don't give a fuck!" The anger rolled off Adam in waves, he was furious. He had thought it was in everyone's best interest that he kept his distance from Hailey and Donovan but avoiding them was no longer an option.

He had to see them, they had a funeral to plan.

"Why not?" Bob asked, "How about me? I need you! I need my boy. I loved Cassie with all my heart, I'm devastated she's gone. I wish it was me, I'd give my life for hers. I hate that I can't fix this for you, you're my little boy and you're heartbroken. I can't lose you too, and I will lose you if you go after Donovan."

"So he gets away with it?" Adam asked incredulously, "my daughter is dead because he was a fucking careless prick?"

Bob felt his hands begin to tremble, "Killing him wont bring Cassie back, Adam. It won't make you feel any better. You are better than that, Son. I'm sorry your little girl is gone, you've got no idea how sorry I am. I need you. I love you Adam. I'm begging you don't go after Donovan."

Adam had never seen his father in such an emotional state, he was thrown off by his reaction "Okay.." he held his hands up in surrender, "fine..."

"Thank you." Bob pulled him into his arms, "Thank you."

"Where the hell is he?" Hailey was running out of patience, "I just want to get this over with it. I told him he needed to be here by nine and of course he's late."

Donovan rested his hand on her knee, "He'll be here. He's always late, it's Adam. It's not surprising. I'd be worried if he was on time." He laughed it off a bit, "Give him ten more minutes and then I will call him."

"No. No way. I'll call him."

"Can you guys give me a minute, I'll catch up." Adam leaned against his father's truck, "I'm okay, I just need some time. Go on."

"You sure?" Bob was reluctant to leave him, "I'd feel more comfortable if you came with us."

Adam shifted his weight to his heels, "Dad, I'm asking for five minutes. That's it. Go ahead. I'm sure Hailey is already here and waiting for me. Go tell her before she starts fucking nagging me." She'd sent him a half dozen messages over the last day or so, reminding him about the appointment.

"Okay." Bob sighed, "Don't take too long."

Donovan stood up as soon as he spotted Bob and Kevin weaving their way through the parking lot, "Babe, Adam's father is here. So's Kevin."

Hailey took his hand, "I hate this..." her lip quivered, "I'm planning my baby's funeral." In that instant it all felt real, the sudden onslaught of grief had surprised her, the finality of it all had just slapped her in the face.

"I'm sorry." He pressed a kiss against her hair, "let's go." He led her to main entrance, Kevin and Bob reaching the door just seconds after they did.

"Upton." Kevin broke the ice, he surprised himself when he pulled her into his arms, "Miss Priss was an amazing little girl, I loved her."

Hailey smiled through her tears, "She loved you too." She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, "Cassie thought you hung the moon, she was always talking about you and the time you spent together. Thank you for loving her."

"It was my pleasure, I'm going to miss her." Kevin ignored the few tears that trickled down his cheeks, "She was a spitfire."

"Yes She was." Hailey replied, "Hi Bob."

"Hailey." Bob wasn't interested in small talk, "Adam needed a few minutes alone. I'm sure he won't be much longer." Bob refused to acknowledge Donovan's presence and wouldn't so much as look in his direction, "Should we go inside?"

"Might be best." Donovan answered for Hailey, "Let's go."

After a few moments alone Adam knew it was time to head inside, he couldn't put it off any longer. He had spent those few minutes alone trying to get a handle on his anger, he was about to face the man responsible for his daughter's death and he was afraid of what he might do.

Every ounce of his being wanted to kill him the only thing that kept him from doing it was Cassie, killing Donovan wouldn't bring her back. None of that meant he wouldn't do it, and that was what scared him.

He didn't want to tarnish his daughter's memory by avenging her death, so he was going to steer clear of that bastard.

Adam ducked into the funeral home without being noticed, he could hear Hailey's voice in the distance and he followed it.

It was one gut punch after the next as he weaved his way through the funeral home, seeing the various coffins on display irked him. They were lined up side by side, each one had a small placard on it listing the price and the numerous options available. It made zero sense to him, why would anyone spend a small fortune on something like a coffin. The last row of coffins rocked him to his core, they were tiny and came in two colors blue and pink, it was clear they were intended for infants. He couldn't bare to look at them any longer, he shifted his gaze to the floor and found where he needed to be.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" Adam asked, he wasn't speaking to anyone specific, he was taken aback by Donovan's presence.

"Adam." Hailey started to respond but quickly backed down when she locked eyes with Adam, he was furious, she decided to introduce him to the funeral director instead, "We were just discussing our options." She noticed Donovan had taken a few steps backwards putting some space between he and Adam.

"Options? We're not buying a car." Adam scoffed.

"I know." Hailey told him, "We need to make a few decisions. I'm hoping we can make this simple, Adam. We need to agree, we both need to be okay with what we choose."

"What do you want?"

"Something simple." Hailey told him, "I don't want anything to elaborate, I can't even think about it, it's too hard."

Bob looked over the pamphlet, "What about cremation?" It was an innocent question but it got Adam's hackles up.

"No. No fucking way. I'm not burning my daughter." Adam snapped, "She needs a coffin. A pink one. She loves pink, she'd really like that." He recalled the coffins on display, "like the ones up front..but..." he was going to add in a bigger size but it wasn't necessary nor could he bring himself to actually say it.

Donovan looked over the price list, "It's doable, Hailey."

Adam shook his head in disbelief, "What?" He asked him, "what did you say?"

"I said..."

Adam abruptly cut him off, "I heard you." Every muscle in his body tensed up, "You don't get a say." He could see Kevin out of the corner of his eye, ready to step in if need be, "I'm going to need you to keep your mouth shut...you're the reason we are here."

Kevin inched closer, "Adam.."

"I'm fine Kevin." Adam glared at Donovan, "He needs to keep his mouth shut."

Hailey held her hand up, "Adam, don't do this. Not here. Not now."

Adam couldn't believe it, "Why not? How you can stand to look at that piece of shit is beyond me."

"Stop it!" Hailey spoke through her clenched teeth, "Donovan is hurting too, it was an accident. A horrible accident, I don't want to fight with you."

"You know...you never wasted an opportunity to tell me what I was doing wrong. I never fed her right, I didn't tell her no enough, I let her take risks. You were always on my case, but I wasn't the one who killed our daughter. It was him."

"Don't you dare!" Hailey cried out, "Donovan didn't mean for this to happen. It was five minutes Adam, she was left alone for five minutes! It could've happened to anyone of us."

Donovan grabbed her hand, "It's alright, I know Adam is grieving." He turned to look at Adam, "I will never forgive myself for what happened to Cassie, I understand you're angry but you will not speak to Hailey like that, she's devastated. We all are. I think it's best that we get through these next few days with as little hostility as possible."

"You've got balls..." Adam spit back at him.

Bob could see Adam starting to spin out, he knew his son was mere minutes from completely losing his shit, "Adam that's enough."

"No. I don't think it is." Adam was furious, "I did everything I needed to do for Cassie but it was never enough for her.." he pointed at Hailey, "Every fucking thing I did was wrong, I busted my ass for our daughter, I made sure she had what she needed. I followed all of her fucking rules, yet I wasn't the problem was I? It was that bastard and he's getting a fucking pass when our daughter is dead! How the fuck is that okay? Someone tell me how that's fair?"

Hailey started to whimper, "Please, just stop it!" She rested her hand over her slightly swelled stomach and Donovan helped to steady her as she swayed from side to side, "I can't do this.."

The funeral director pulled a chair over for Hailey to sit down, "Here...have a seat. I will give you all some privacy." He pulled the door closed as he left. He was unfazed by the outburst, in his line of work it wasn't unusual.

"Calm down, I need to you calm down for me. For the baby." Donovan crouched down beside her, "You need to try and calm down."

"I miss my baby..." she weeped, "I can't do this."

"You can and you will. I'm here for you. We will get through this together."

Adam looked on as Donovan tried to console Hailey, "You're a piece of work, you know that?"

Donovan had hit his breaking point, he had tried to cut Adam some slack but he was done. Hailey was in tears and Adam was only adding to her pain and he wasn't going to stand by and allow Adam to unload on her.

"I've been patient with you Adam. I can't begin to understand how you're feeling right now. I'm sorry. I'm so unbelievably sorry but I need you to stop."

"Do you?" Adam inched closer to him.

Kevin stood to Adam's left ready to step in if need be, "Adam..,"

"Yes. I do. Hailey's pregnant. She's hurting just like you, but this? What's happening now, it's not good for her or our baby..."

"Fuck you!" Adam shoved him, "I see how it is...you've got your baby..who the fuck cares about mine...right?"

Donovan placed his hands up, "You're out of line, Adam. You need to shut your mouth. If you don't I'll shut it for you."

Kevin stepped between the two men, "I think it's best you shut your mouth. Maybe even take a walk." He stared him down, "Maybe grab some water or something for Hailey."

Donovan scowled at Kevin, "Get her water and leave her here alone...with him? I don't think so." Kevin could kiss his ass, he wasn't leaving Hailey.

Kevin wasn't letting him off the hook, he grabbed Donovan by the arm and pulled him close, "You will leave. If you don't leave, Adam won't be your only problem. Don't push me..." he kept his voice low and menacing, but fell on deaf ears.

Donovan stood his ground. "I'm not leaving."

"I am." Adam growled as he stormed out.

Adam went off in search of the funeral director, nearly barreling him over as he rounded a corner.

"Mr. Ruzek, are you folks ready?" The director asked.

"I'm leaving, here's my card. I will be back later but nothing is to happen without talking to me. No decisions are made without you speaking to me, do you understand?" Adam handed the card to him, "I mean it. No decisions at all."

"Understood." He nodded his head, "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Please know that we will handle your daughter's burial with dignity and respect. You've got my word."

"Kevin." Bob finally spoke up, "Will you go check on Adam please? I'd like to stay and speak with the director."

"You got it." Kevin made no effort to avoid Donovan on his way out, his shoulder clipping Donovan and knocking him a bit off balance.

Hailey held out her hand to silence Donovan, "Bob, I can handle this. You can go."

"No thanks, I'll stay." He folded his arms across his chest.

Slowly the door opened and the director reappeared, "Are we ready?"

Hailey nodded her head, "I guess so."

"Okay." He sighed, "I've pulled some information together, I know Mr. Ruzek mentioned the pink coffin, we've got a few different sizes and finishes. We get them from to two different companies and we can have one here in a day or two. I've brought a book with fabric samples for the lining, most people choose a simple lining to keep the overall price down. They can get quite expensive."

Hailey took the book from him, "Okay. I think we will go with pink."

He made a few notations in his notebook, "I must tell you that left me his card and made it clear that no decisions are made without speaking to him. He requested that I call and speak with him directly."

"I will cover the cost." Donovan offered, "There's no need to run it through Adam."

"Like hell there isn't!" Bob felt his face burn with anger.

"I will be in contact with , he's the deceased's father, he has a voice in this regardless of who is paying for it." He didn't care much for the man opposite him, "We can discuss where Cassie's final resting place will be. I'm sure you're aware the city has several cemeteries. You're welcome to have the viewing her or your church."

Hailey shook her head, "We don't attend church. I'd like to have the viewing at our home. Surrounded by all of Cassie's things, funeral homes are depressing and a bit cold. I don't want that for Cassie."

"No." Bob told them, "Adam won't want that."

"I assure you I will be in contact with your son, nothing we discuss here will be selected until both and have agreed."

"Thank you. I appreciate that." Bob shook his hand, "On that note, I need to go check on my son."

Kevin found Adam leaning against the truck with his face buried in his hands, Kevin cautiously approached him, "Ruz..."

"I hate that son of a bitch." Adam pulled his hands away from his face, "why the fuck was he here?"

Kevin wasn't sure how to respond, "I don't know what to say."

"Nothing." Adam shrugged, "I need to get out of here." Seeing Donovan had been harder than he had anticipated and then he had the audacity to add his two cents to the conversation. It had nearly pushed Adam over the edge, he likely would have if Adam hadn't left the room.

"The guy's a dick." Kevin moved to stand beside him, "What are you going to do?"

"Come back when they've left." Adam replied, "I can't be in the same room as him." He shoved his hands in his pockets, "I gave the guy my card, he knows to call me."

Hailey was pissed, "Of course Adam walks out and now nothing has been planned." She pinched the bridge of her nose, "it's just dragging this nightmare on and on."

"You've made your desires known to the director, you've done your part. Adam needs to handle his side of things and then it will be over."

"It'll never be over, Donovan. It's only just begun."

Adam finally made it back to the funeral home just after sunset. It had been a long day, he had spent much of his time sitting on Cassie's bed. He had been so angry when he left the funeral home that he needed to be close to her, he needed her to help him to calm down.

He had sent his father and Kevin home, he had no desire to be around anyone. His anger was unlike anything he'd ever felt before and it was impossible to reign in and he had the potential to go off on anyone in his vicinity.

The funeral director had called him a few hours ago and agreed to meet up with him after hours.

Adam decided to go alone.

"Thank you for doing this." Adam shook the director's hand, "I apologize for my behavior earlier."

"No need to." The funeral director led him to his office, "I know you're anxious to get this done, I have all of 's wishes for the service. She's selected one of the pink coffins, with a simple lining."

Adam nodded his head, "I agree."

"Okay, I'll will get that done first thing tomorrow morning, she has suggested that the viewing take place at her residence, she says the funeral home isn't an option and that she doesn't attend church."

Adam was still reeling over the fact she wanted the viewing at her house, "Are you aware of how my daughter died? Where she died?"

"I know the cause of death but not the incident that led to it." He voice was soft when he replied to Adam.

"My daughter was killed in that house, I will not have her viewing there." He gripped the edge of the desk, "There's no way."

"I had no idea." He continued on, "She hasn't yet decided on the final resting place, but she's given me a few names of pallbearers." He scanned it, "One is her fiancée, a cousin of her's and a one of her childhood friends."

"You need to tell her that's not happening." Adam was livid, "There's no fucking way her fiancée will be a pallbearer, it's his fault my daughter is dead. You can also tell her that her fiancé isn't welcome at the funeral!"

"I understand."

"You can also tell her that I will not be calling her at all." Adam didn't trust himself, "she can call my father..."

"If you'd like I can act as a go between. I know this is a difficult time for all involved and I'd like to do whatever I can to make it just a bit easier."

"I appreciate it." Adam had thought long and hard about how he wanted to honor Cassie and he wanted to see if it was possible, "I've thought about this all day and I'm not sure it's possible or if you'll even do it. I don't know how these things work. What I do know is that my Cassie was full of life, she was always smiling and laughing. She made everyone around her happy. I want to celebrate her life, I don't want a traditional funeral. They work for old people not little kids..not my baby." He stifled a sob.

"We can do that. It's not uncommon. I can relay your wishes to and offer some suggestions to the both of you. I'm confident we can come up something that will honor your little girl."

Adam stood up, "Thank you."

Before Adam got in his truck he fired off a text message to Hailey, the last message he'd ever send.

 _I've met with the funeral director, the viewing will not be at your house. There's no fucking way we will remember her at there. She lost her life in that house. That bastard will not be a pallbearer. You are not to call or text me, you need something you can call my father or the funeral director, they'll relay any messages. I want you to know that I want to kill Donovan, I want to watch the life drain from him. The only reason I haven't is Cassie, she's the only reason he's still drawing a breath_.

He had so much more left to say but he stopped himself. He wanted to tell her how much he hated her, he couldn't do it though. He hated her for sure, but he wouldn't say it to her, he wouldn't do that to Cassie.

 _ **Again, my sincere apologies on the delay in this chapter. I'm saying that a lot lately, aren't I? I'm not proud of it but I've been lazy and this chapter was hard. I plan on wrapping it up with two more chapters and I won't even try to promise to have them done by a certain date or timeframe.**_

 _ **I just ask that you'll keep an eye out for it and give it a read whenever it's posted. I'd recommend registering for an account and 'follow' the story as you'll receive an email once the next chapter is posted.**_

 _ **This story will be completed you can count on that.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_


	13. Chapter 13

Six weeks.

42 days.

It had been longer for Adam, his undercover gig and pulled him from his daughter, he had missed the last few months of her life. He hadn't felt her soft kisses on his cheek, felt her smooth as silk hand as it lay in his, he would never again feel the weight of her on his chest as the lay sleeping on the couch.

As his new reality began to sink in he was hit with a tsunami of guilt, mixed with a fair bit of anger. He was furious with Hailey, Donovan, but the person he held the most contempt was himself.

He was haunted by the memory of Cassie crying and begging him not to leave her, pleading with him to not take that case. He had looked her square in the eye and told her that he had to go, that he needed to help bring the bad guys down and save someone else's little girl, that he'd want someone to save her if she were ever in trouble.

He'd never forgive himself for leaving her.

She was supposed to be safe, he had trusted Hailey to keep her safe.

It was a slap in the face to see Hailey stand by Donovan, to have to see him as they planned Cassie's funeral.

There was no way in hell Adam would allow Donovan to take part in the funeral. He had shut down the idea of Donovan being a pallbearer as soon as it was mentioned, he then demanded Donovan not attend the service.

Hailey pushed back hard on that front, it would be two weeks before they found some common ground and came up with something that worked for them both,

A traditional funeral was their original plan but as they began to plan it, it felt wrong. Having to bury your child before their fifth birthday was wrong, it was so inherently wrong.

Their grief was so overwhelming at times that it left them struggling to breathe, the thought of having a traditional funeral was more than they could bare. The thought of a small coffin flanked by elaborate floral displays left Adam feeling as if he would vomit.

There was no way in hell he'd survive it, he couldn't do it. There was no way in hell he'd agree to it. When he called the funeral director and told him how he was feeling, the director suggested a celebration of life as an option.

He in turn called Hailey and it slowly came together.

They decided to rent out the pavilion at Cassie's favorite park, they would keep it simple just a few photos of Cassie on display and light refreshments, there'd be no eulogies or religious scripture read. Initially Hailey wanted a scripture read aloud during the memorial, which surprised Adam since she had never once stepped foot in a church. Once he learned it had been suggested by someone in Donovan's family, he put his foot down. It wasn't going to happen, and he took the opportunity to remind Hailey that Donovan wasn't welcome and should he show up, he needed to steer clear of him.

They hoped mourners would share their memories of Cassie, perhaps share a funny story or anecdote and allow it all to be completely off the cuff, allowing it evolve naturally.

Tensions still ran high between Adam and Hailey, both were living hell on earth and hurting in ways they never knew existed and it was just a matter of time before things would come to a head.

A new school year was just around the corner and Cassie would be attending pre-kindergarten in the public school system and as per their custody agreement both Adam and Hailey received an enrollment packet.

Hailey had taken the lead on it, the school was just minutes from her house and it just made sense that she handled that end of things.

Adam was blindsided when he found the envelope tucked away in his mailbox, buried between junk mail, bills, and a couple of magazines. As he pulled it out he felt the wind being knocked out of him, his knees knocked as he read it.

To the Parent/Guardian of Cassandra Upton-Ruzek

Never in his life had a simple sentence left him reeling.

He was livid.

He wasted no time in calling Hailey and chewed her out, he had said some nasty things, things he was not proud of.

It was a vicious verbal assault.

'You don't give a shit about Cassie, you never did! You've already replaced her!'

He could hear Hailey gasp and became to cry, he had cut her to the quick and he loved it. He wanted her to feel exactly what he felt when he discovered the packet.

A few hours later Donovan showed up on his doorstep.

Donovan was pissed at him for upsetting Hailey, as soon as she had told him what Adam had said he was out the door in a flash. Perhaps if he had let it sink in for a bit, cooler heads would've prevailed but he didn't.

Adam didn't take kindly to him showing up, nor did he appreciate the reminder that Hailey was pregnant and already stressed beyond belief. Adam was quick to point out that Donovan was responsible for the nightmare they were all living, and that he didn't give a shit about the baby.

 _'My kid is dead because of you...you're fucking funny if you think I care about yours'_

As soon as the words left Adam's mouth, hands started flying.

Thankfully Kevin and Jay had arrived just as it got nasty and they managed to pull the two combatants apart but not before they'd both been left bruised and bloodied.

It did little to ease Adam's pain and only added to his guilt, had Cassie been alive she'd have been furious with him.

That stung.

He never wanted to disappoint his little girl.

Hailey was furious with Donovan, she urged him to stay away from Adam, she didn't want to lose him either. He apologized profusely for worrying her, he assured her that he'd keep his distance from Adam.

Shortly after the fight Adam and Hailey managed to get their shit together enough to plan a proper memorial for their daughter, choosing to go with a celebration of life. They selected a date and spent two weeks ironing out the details.

With each passing day the knot in their stomach grew tighter, it was a day they wanted to come so they could get it over with, it sounded awful but it was the truth. As badly as they wanted it to be over, they never wanted it to arrive.

The dreaded day had arrived.

It was absolutely gorgeous out, the sky was a brilliant blue a few wispy clouds and a warm gentle breeze flitted through the trees every so often.

It was the kind of day Cassie loved.

Adam and Hailey were both amazed by the turnout, neither of them knew what to expect. They knew their families, friends, and colleagues would be in attendance but they never expected to see a sea of blue.

It was overwhelming.

Adam and Hailey greeted each and every person who had attended the service, it was filled with first responders and even some of the guys who worked with Donovan.

Cassie had been an active little girl, she had played soccer and was enrolled in dance class and gymnastics. She had an abundance of an energy and they had learned early on it was in their best interest to find an outlet for it.

When Cassie's soccer coach made her way through the line of mourners it caught Adam and Hailey off guard, but it was the kids who had shown up that nearly brought them both to their knees.

They soaked in all of it, speaking to as many people as they could, listening intently to their stories about Cassie.

It had been a bittersweet day.

They had said their final goodbyes to Cassie, they knew they had to begin living their lives again, it was going to be one of the hardest things they'd ever do.

They had also learned that during Cassie's short life she had touched so many people, she was loved deeply and had brought joy to so many. While her time in the world had been brief, painfully brief she had lived a good life.

It brought Adam and Hailey both a bit of peace, what she lacked in quantity of years she made up for in the quality of those years.

Adam was the last to leave the park, as the sun set in the distance he was left to figure out how to live a life without his little girl.

 ** _I'm not going to come up with yet another lame excuse as to why this took 97 forevers, but I will thank you for hanging in with me as I try to wrap this story up._**

 ** _I'm currently working on the epilogue and hopefully have that finished at some point, so please keep an eye out for it. If you're not a 'registered user' I suggest becoming one as you can elect to receive an email when a new chapter is posted._**

 ** _Once again, thank you for reading and reviewing!_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**A note to start with, I struggled with this story and came close to having the previous chapter be the end but I knew that would be frustrating as hell for the reader. I tried about five different versions before settling on this one, I feel as if I've cheated a bit with the time jump but this version has been the easiest to write. That's not to mean this was easy, as it wasn't. I'm not sure how satisfying this will be but know I've given it my all.**_

 _ **This will be it for me, I didn't like how long it took me to finish this one and I'm taking that as a sign that it's time to stop writing.**_

 _ **I appreciate every single follow, favorite, and comment.**_

 _ **It's been fun!**_

 **FIVE YEARS LATER**

The Intelligence unit had undergone major changes over the last five years. They were no longer under the direction of Hank Voight, he finally retired. He chose to go out on his terms, not the city's.

Only Halstead, Atwater, and Ruzek remained. They were the core of the unit, they cycled through more than their fair share of replacements before they settled in with their current partners.

They worked nicely together but it would never hold a candle to the original squad, that was a special group. One could argue that they were too close, perhaps that had been the unit's downfall.

They needn't worry about that now.

They vacancies were filled by three quality coppers, their new sergeant was hard as nails and she required those in her unit to be the best they could be. She had twenty years on the job and had seen a lot of shit, she wanted her unit to be the best in Chicago. Her moral compass was strong but she knew that sometimes you would need to bend the rules a bit..

Adam and Kevin remained partners, they worked together flawlessly. It was as if they could read the other's mind.

Jay's partner was ex-military and despite an initial awkwardness between them, they found their footing and complemented each other well. Jay was still the 'good boy' and his new partner Jake Towes, was a bit more rough around the edges.

Jon Grimley and Hannah Johnson had previously worked together in the gang unit it made sense to have them remain partners.

They still did the occasional shake up of partners, but that was more the exception and not the rule.

The case they had just wrapped up had called for a bit of a shake up. It had been pretty intense and the guys were desperate to blow off some steam.

Kevin rapped his knuckles on the edge of Adam's desk, "You're in, right?"

"Uh..yeah." Adam briefly looked up from his notepad, "I just need to finish this up and make a quick call. I'll meet you at Molly's."

Kevin's eye caught the photo of Cassie on the desk, it was hard to believe she'd been gone for five years. He was instantly flooded with memories of her and he broke into a big smile, "I think that's my favorite picture of Miss Priss." He pointed to it.

Adam grabbed the frame, "Mine too. She was so happy that day." He felt the pang or loss hit him in the gut, "I miss her. It hurts.." he brought his hand to his chest, "..it's like this weight sitting here and it won't go away."

"I miss her too," Kevin told him.

"She loved you. She loved spending time with you." Adam set the frame back on the desk, he cleared his throat, "I need to finish this."

Kevin stood up the conversation was going in a direction he really didn't want it to go, "Don't bail on us. Finish your shit and get your ass to Molly's, even if it's just for a drink or two."

"I will be there." Adam waved him off, "Get your ass out of here so I can finish."

"Don't bail Ruz." Kevin called our over his shoulder, "I mean it."

Adam just shook his head, he was known to flake out at last minute. Some nights he just didn't feel like hanging out at the bar knocking back drinks.

He picked Cassie's photo back up, "I miss you. I won't ever stop missing you. I love you." He ran his fingers over it before putting it down. He had come a long way in five years, he could speak of her without crying, he could let the memories of her wash over him and he wouldn't fall apart. She was always his first thought upon waking and his last before drifting off to sleep, that would never change.

The house was finally quiet.

The toys picked up and returned to their rightful places, the ridiculous cartoons gone and replaced with an outlandish soap opera.

Not that she was paying much attention to it, it was more background noise. She had watched it since she was a teenager, she watched it religiously back then now it was merely when the stars aligned and provided some downtime. She had multiple episodes on the DVR and was slowly working her way through them.

The storylines were outlandish but it provided her with a bit of a laugh and it served as an escape from reality.

She had given up her a badge a few years ago, the harsh realities of the city had become to much to bare, she was done.

They had all been shocked when she turned in her resignation, as shocked as they were they all understood her frustrations with the job. She had a stockpile of PTO that she needed to use or she'd lose it. She used that time off to figure out her next step, she knew she wanted to continue helping people.

After some soul searching she inquired about working with the child protective services. She had a few contacts within the department and after a few calls she found her place, she was hired to act as a liaison between the police department and child services and often worked hand in hand with the social workers.

She had found her calling.

Responding to the scene of the crime always felt a bit like closing the barn door once the horse had left, as important as solving those crimes were it was hard to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing she really could do for the victim.

The cases involving children were taxing and often left her feeling defeated.

In her current position she was more proactive in the lives of children, she worked diligently to keep them from becoming a statistic.

The job wasn't always easy, she had a few cases that had shaken her to her core, but she had cases were she had helped to place children in safe homes, with families that would eventually adopt them.

She had witnessed the reunification of parent and child, those were her favorites. She loved seeing parents do what they needed to get their children back.

Not every case had a happy ending but she truly felt as if she was making a difference in the lives of children.

Her only gripe with the job was she took a fair bit of work home with her, but even that wasn't a true gripe, more a bit of an inconvenience. She worked 9-5 and rarely on weekends, so while she had to take work home, the trade off was worth it.

She never envisioned this life, she had thought she'd always be a police officer, she had given up on love and never in a million years did she think she'd have a child.

Her son was her world.

He was deep in the throes of the terrible twos, he tested her patience and often left her feeling exhausted but he was the best part of her.

Oscar was the light of her life.

She had long ago given up the dream of having children.

Oscar had been unexpected, the product of an emotional night.

Oscar complicated an already complicated situation, but there wasn't a thing she could do about it, she was pregnant and she had nine months to prepare herself.

She did her best to embrace it, it took some time but she was soon overjoyed at the idea of being a mom.

Was it complicated? Yes, but it was the best kind of complicated. She fell in love with the tiny baby she was carrying and decided to let the chips fall as they may.

Kevin rolled his eyes as he read the text, "That punk ass is bailing on us." He turned the phone around so Halstead could see the text.

Jay laughed, "It's funny that you're shocked." He grabbed his beer and downed the last of it, "I would've been shocked if he had showed up." He was used to Adam's flakiness and while he never passed up an opportunity to bust Adam's balls he understood why he had the tendency to flake out at the last minute.

"I had faith." Kevin retorted, "clearly it was misplaced." He slid the phone back in his pocket, "I just wish he'd come out once and a while, he needs it."

"Today seem rough for him." Jay remarked, "seemed like he was struggling a bit today. Maybe he just wanted to go home, get away from the world. It's hard to believe it's been five years since Cassie died. She was such a cute kid. Funny as hell."

Kevin smiled, "That she was. Miss Priss was special. I miss her." He flagged down the bartender and ordered another round. Kevin chuckled at a memory, "You remember that time we watched her for Ruzek?"

"I do." Jay shivered at the memory, "in fact I think I can still smell the puke every time I get in my car."

"Stop lying. You can't smell it still." Kevin had made sure of that, he had paid for Jay's car to be detailed, "I had that car cleaned up. It wasn't even my fault."

"The hell it wasn't!" Jay retorted, "You kept buying her sugary junk food."

They had kept her for Adam so he could tie up some loose ends with onr of his CIs. The carnival was in town and Kevin planned on taking her only for to Jay decide to tag along.

"No one invited you...you crashed my day with Miss Priss. " he reminded him, "Fuck man...that was fun." Kevin stared at what was left of his beer, "I miss her. Every fucking day I miss that kid."

"Me too." Jay wrapped an arm around his body, "I'm ready to call it a night. I got tonight covered, next week is your buy."

Kevin shrugged, "I'll follow you out." It was still relatively early but he wasn't feeling it anymore, talking about Cassie had pulled the wind from his sails and he now had an inkling as to how Adam felt. It was hard to knock a few drinks back and laugh when your heart was broken.

The house was dark when he finally made it home, he had no regrets when it came to Cassie's celebration of life but he sometimes wished they had purchased a plot at the crematorium so he'd have a place to visit Cassie.

Somewhere he could sit and not be given a second glance or thought. He had taken to spending time at Cassie's favorite park but he always caught the eye of the parents of the children playing, as if he had nefarious intentions. He did understand why his presence was unsettling for them, he was there without a kid and it alarmed people but he hated that it made him feel so uncomfortable.

They feared he was up to no good, so he opted to go at night and he'd spend an hour or two

just staring at the vacant playground. If he was perfectly still and quiet he could almost hear the sound of Cassie giggling or see her running through the sand her ponytail bouncing up and down as she ran.

Kim loved to watch Oscar sleep, he looked so angelic she could watch him for hours. His thumb in his mouth and stuffed puppy tucked under his arm. He absolutely adored it, Zoe had purchased it for him just after he was born and Zoe always made sure he had it with him, it wasn't long before Oscar grew attached to it. Oscar took it everywhere with him and it was beginning to look a bit ratty, it had already lost an eye and Nicole had performed more than a few _surgeries_ on him.

She kissed her fingertips she then placed them against Oscar's cheek, "Sleep well my sweet boy, I love you." She whispered before leaving.

Did he puss out by not meeting up with the guys? Yeah, he did. He didn't give two shits though. Kevin and Jay we're constantly in pursuit of a new flavor of the month and he had no desire to watch them chase tail.

He moved as quietly as possible, it was late and he was exhausted, he removed his firearm and locked it up before moving into the kitchen. He quickly scanned his mail that sat on the counter, most of it was junk aside from a post card from his pops who was in the middle of a cross country vacation with his girlfriend.

Adam was happy his father had found love again, he was getting up their in age and had retired, his pops often told him he was finally living the good life.

Cassie's death had been taken its toll on Bob, he looked every one of his seventy years. When he had met Ruth it had given him a new lease on life and for that Adam would be forever indebted to Ruth.

He grabbed a plate of leftovers and zapped it in the microwave, he was starving and practically inhaled it. He washed it down with a bottle of water and then went about his nightly routine.

His routine started with letting the mutt out, he had adopted him about a year after Cassie's death. It had been a bit of an impulsive decision. He had driven by animal shelter one day on his way home from work, they were hosting an adoption event and he decided to stop and have a look.

As he wandered about the yard he noticed a dog laying in the corner of the yard it wasn't impressed with all of the people and looked awfully sad. As he got closer the dog lifted his head, he cocked it to the side and Adam was hooked instantly.

Adam knew in that moment the dog was meant for him, Clyde was a fantastic dog and he had helped Adam immensely.

Clyde was getting up their in age and he moved pretty slow until he heard the sound of back door being opened and he was on his feet in record time.

Adam and Clyde spent a few minutes sitting beneath the stars, before Clyde finally decided to tend to his business. As soon as he was done Clyde made a bee line for the house, once inside he returned to his favorite spot and settled in for the night..

Adam double checked that he locked the doors before setting the alarm and heading upstairs to bed.

.

She had pretended to sleep when she heard him coming down the hall, her heart was pounding in her chest and it took all she had to not jump up out of bed as soon as he crossed the threshold into their room.

Kim had gone back and forth on how to address it with him, she finally settled on allowing him to discover it on his own. He was such a creature of habit that it was easy to set it up, there was no way he'd miss it.

She adored the man before her, she was constantly amazed by his strength and loved him beyond words. He was an amazing father, he adored their son. He had fought through the darkness and had come out the other side of it, losing Cassie had nearly destroyed him.

She had helped to pull him from the depths of despair and stood by him as he struggled to find his footing, she had stayed at his side through bouts of uncontrollable anger and rage. When he pushed her away, she pulled him closer, and held on as tightly as she could. She didn't let his grief swallow him up.

The door creaked as he closed it, he was supposed to have fixed it over the weekend but it had been over looked, he grimaced as he heard it hoping he hadn't woken her up. He flicked the light on and felt his heart catch in his throat.

Where his toothbrush was supposed to be was a note, his name written in perfect block letters, he read it and felt his heart skip a beat.

He dropped the note and lifted up the pregnancy test, a positive pregnancy test. He turned on his heels and yanked the door open.

"Darlin'..." he called out breathlessly, "...are you shittin' me?"

Kim sat upright in bed, "I shit you not." She held her hand out to him, the light from the bathroom providing just enough light for her to see Adam's face but she couldn't quite make out his facial expression.

Adam was at a loss for words, "Seriously?"

"Yes." Kim held her hand out to him, "Come here. I can't really see you. I want to see your face. I want to know if you're happy?"

"Pregnant?" Adam asked her, he placed his hands on her shoulders, "Pregnant? Like have a baby in nine months pregnant? That kind?"

She laughed, "I'm pretty sure that's the only kind, Adam."

"Fuck..."

Kim grabbed ahold of his chin, "You are happy..aren't you?"

Adam answered her with a kiss.

Their relationship had ended in flames years ago but slowly it rose from the ashes and was stronger than ever.

When she discovered she was pregnant with Oscar, they discussed what was to happen next, they were in the early stages of it all. They weren't sure how to define their relationship, it was complicated and still ran a bit hot and cold.

The timing of it all was shitty.

She told him that she had zero expectations, that he was free to back out if he wanted and that she wouldn't pressure him into anything.

Adam was terrified at the notion of a baby, but it wasn't as much as having a baby as it was potentially losing the baby. As scared as he was, he wasn't going to turn his back on the baby or Kim.

Over the course of Kim's pregnancy they grew close, Adam attended every doctors appointment and they soon became inseparable.

They realized that the love they had felt for each other had never gone away, it lived just beneath the surface. it wasn't long before it had broken through the walls they had constructed around their hearts.

They got married on Oscar's first birthday, their friends and family had shown up for what they thought was a birthday party only to learn that Kim and Adam were getting married. It was a simple service, it was kept fairly low key and they insisted on celebrating Oscar's first year of life and that their wedding was just a small part of that day.

"Unbelievably happy." Adam reluctantly ended the kiss, "I'm so fucking happy."

Oscar was only two years old, he was still a baby would adding another to the mix be a bit more than they could handle?

"Daddy...daddy...daddy..." Oscar chanted over and over again from his crib, the crib that he'd soon be vacating.

Kim snuggled deeper into Adam's side, "Oscar's up..." she kissed Adam's bare chest, "Honey...wake up." She whispered in his ear, "He wants you..."

Adam groaned, "You're up..." no one would ever accuse Adam Ruzek of being a morning person, "I'm tired.." he grabbed a pillow and covered his head with him, "...you get him..." his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Daddy! Come get Oscar!" Oscar wailed.

Kim grabbed the monitor from the nightstand, "Look Adam..."she turned it around so Adam could see it, "He wants you."

Adam kicked the covers off, "I'll get him." He was putty in the hands of his son and despite his desire to sleep in, he couldn't wait to get Oscar up, "We are coming back here and getting back in bed. It's too early to get up. I'm exhausted."

"I bet you are, last night was amazing by the way." Kim grabbed his wrist as he walked by pulling him down to her, "Absolutely amazing." She kissed him, "I love you so much" she mumbled against his lips.

"I love you too." Adam ran the back of his hand against her cheek, "I cant wait to meet our next baby."

 **This was originally supposed to serve as the 'epilogue', but it grew to be pretty long and jumped around a bit. A fellow writer suggested splitting it up and making it two separate parts, this is the first part. Rest assured it won't take forever to post the next part.**

 **After that will be the actual epilogue.**


	15. Chapter 15

Hailey had spent the day packing for their trip, she wanted to be able to leave as soon as Cadence got home from school. She had wanted to pick her up early and get an early start but Cadence lost her shit at the mere mention of leaving school early.

Cadence was in kindergarten and they were learning about ocean life and would be spending a majority of their day at the aquarium, a fact Hailey had forgotten all about.

She was doing a lot of that lately, she had forgotten about her conference with Cadee's teacher, missed a night out with friends. Her life was chaotic as hell, there weren't enough hours in the day to get shit done.

Monthly road trips only added to her stress level, but they were important and she would do whatever she needed to do to make sure they happened.

She had learned a few tricks along the way, she packed Cadence's bags at the beginning of each month, she also kept a supply of toys and little trinkets to keep Cadence occupied in the car. She preferred to leave before dawn so leaving so late in the afternoon had her more stressed than usual.

She alternated between watching the clock and looking out the window for Cadee's bus. As soon as she saw the bus pull up she was out the door.

Cadence skipped up the driveway, "Mommy! Today was so much fun." She threw herself at Hailey, "I got to pet a sting ray. It was slimy and smelled so gross. Just like fish!" The backpack was still to big for her and it was falling off her shoulders.

Hailey took it from her as they went inside, "I'm glad you had fun. We are in a hurry so I need you to go change into your comfy clothes that are on your bed and then go use to the bathroom. We need to get going."

"Can we get McDonalds for dinner?" Cadence asked her.

Hailey detested fast food and it had been one thing she swore she'd never feed her kids but that was no longer the case. They often needed to eat on the run and fast food was quick and easy.

"Yes." Hailey replied, "Now get moving we've got to go."

Hailey finished packing up the last of the toiletries while Cadee changed. She ran through her checklist in her head before calling out to Cadence.

"I'm ready." Cadence smiled, she had recently lost her top teeth giving her a bit a snaggle tooth look.

"Okay kiddo, it's time to roll out."

Cadence jumped up and down and squealed with excitement, "Road trip!"

"Yes, sweetie. A road trip." She couldn't quite muster enough enthusiasm as her daughter, she placed her hand on her back and guided her towards the door.

The drive had hit the three mark and Hailey was thankful that it was nearly over, Cadence slept soundly in the back seat. Hailey reflected on the last five years, her relationship with Donovan had withstood the fallout over Cassie's death and they'd been given the gift of a beautiful daughter.

Cadence Grace had repaired her shattered heart, she'd never replace Cassie but having Cadence or Cadee as she was sometimes called brought meaning back to her life was a second chance for her and Donovan both, perhaps one they didn't really deserve.

Hailey went into premature labor at thirty weeks, Cadence was just a hair over three pounds and required an NG tube as her 'suck' reflex had yet to develop. It was unsettling to see the tube and despite the constant reassurance that it was normal for a baby born at 30 weeks it did little to ease their mind.

Cadence spent two months in the NICU, it was hard as hell to leave her each night but Hailey and Donovan found it down right terrifying when they brought her home. They needn't worry as their fears were unfounded, Cadence was an easy baby.

They joked that she was taking it easy on them after her rough start in life.

Hailey and Donovan relocated moving further into the suburbs and settled in to a routine. They had made some drastic changes, Haley was insistent on purchasing a gun safe, they were diligent about where their firearms were stored.

History wouldn't repeat itself.

It hadn't.

That didn't mean they were free from heartbreak.

They had stayed at this hotel twice a month for three years, she was on a first name basis with a handful of the staff. Haley appreciated the fact that they always made sure her room was on one of the lower floors and that she could check in as soon as she arrived regardless of the time.

Traveling with a five year old by yourself wasn't fun or ideal, and they did all they could to make it easier for her.

They often had balloons or candy waiting in the room for Cadence, it was always little things but in the eyes of a five year old it was huge.

The hotel knew the reason for their visits, it was the same reason why a majority of their guests stayed there.

Hailey shifted Cadence in her arms as she signed off on the paperwork before being handed the key to their room.

Cadence had woken up briefly as they got out of the car but had drifted back to sleep in Hailey's arms, and she hoped she'd remain asleep when she moved her to the bed.

A cranky Cadence wasn't fun and the last thing she needed.

Cadence slept soundly as she lay curled into Haley's side, she was blissfully unaware of the stress her mother was under. Haley was thankful for that, there was no way she wanted her five year old to know that the life they were living wasn't typical.

Hailey was starting to feel the effects of the sleeping pill she had taken, she rarely took them but she was desperate for sleep. She was an over thinker on a good day, these weekends it was exponentially worse, she couldn't calm her racing thoughts. She worried about Cadence and what impact all of this would have on her, she worried about her marriage and if they could make it work once this nightmare was over.

Hailey groaned as she felt Cadence begin to stir, while Cadence was clearly feeling refreshed and excited for the day ahead, Hailey was not.

She hadn't slept much, she never did on these trips. Instead of sleeping she kept replaying everything that had happened to lead them to this point.

Losing Cassie would always be the worst thing to have happened to her, but this? What they were leaving through now, well it came in a very close second.

Hailey would forever kick herself for burying her head in the sand.

They had lived a comfortable life, they had a nice home in a solid neighborhood they both drove nice cars and Cadence never went without. They took the occasional family trip but they didn't live an extravagant life nor did they struggle.

All of that changed when Cadee was about a year old, Donovan started buying Cadence shit all the time. Her bedroom was beginning to look like a toy store, she had more toys than she could ever play with.

That had been just the tip of the iceberg, shortly after that Donovan insisted on putting their house on the market, he had spotted his dream home one day when he was working a case and he convinced her they could afford it.

He'd pick up extra shifts, they'd cut back on their spending.

None of that happened.

It was the opposite, they started spending money hand over fist and it worried Hailey at first but it was a fleeting concern. She had started to enjoy the lifestyle and she no longer cared where the money had come from.

Ignorance was bliss.

It lasted about a year before the rug was pulled out from beneath them and she learned Donovan was dirty.

He was taking bribes from politicians.

He was currently serving his third year of a six year sentence in a federal prison.

Cadee had grown used to seeing her daddy in prison jumpsuits, she didn't bat an eye at the sight of heavily armed guards, or the barbed wire that sat atop the fencing around the prison's yard.

Donovan had become everything that he had claimed to hate, and it was a hard pill for Hailey to swallow.

Hailey cleaned up the remnants of their breakfast and grabbed her purse, "Let's go see daddy."

Cadence bounced up and down on her toes, "Daddy time!"

 **The epilogue is nearly done and will be posted in the next day or two.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	16. Epilogue

**ONE YEAR LATER**

Cadee pushed her bowl away, "I don't want it." She whined, "it's cold."

"Of course it is, you took forever to come downstairs." Hailey was fed up with her daughter's attitude, she was fed up with a lot these days.

"I don't want it." Cadence pouted, "I want daddy."

There it was, Hailey was wondering when she would ask for her daddy. She knew she had to keep her emotions in check, Cadence was struggling with not seeing Donovan. Cadence was too young to understand what was going on and she needed to remember that and not take her outbursts personally.

Easier said than done. If she were being truthful with herself, she wanted Donovan just as much. She kept reminding herself that this was the best option for all of them, they couldn't live like this any longer.

She hadn't come to her decision lightly, she had agonized over it for weeks but in her gut she knew this was the right move.

Cadence was starting to ask questions, Hailey had seen the way the other mothers looked at her or the hushed conversations. Hailey's biggest fear was that Cadence would be shunned because of her father's choices.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when Donovan had gotten into trouble and had his sentence extended, and then the speculation that favors where called in on Donovan's behalf to keep him from being charged for his role in Cassie's death.

Hailey had no idea if there as any truth to it but it didn't matter. She could no longer live in limbo, she couldn't spend two weekends a month visiting a federal prison.

Cadence deserved more.

"I'm sorry, Cadence. I'm really sorry, I know how much you love your daddy and he loves you." Hailey took hold of her hand, "You can write to daddy and we are trying to figure out a way for you to FaceTime with him but we won't go to visit him."

"I want to." Cadee whined, "FaceTime isn't the same, I can't hug him."

"I know, sweetie. I'm sorry." Hailey welcomed Cadee into her arms and held on tight as she cried. She pulled away, "How about when it's your birthday we go and visit daddy?"

Cadence's face lit up, "Yes! I want too! That'd be the best birthday ever!"

Hailey smiled, "I will make it happen." It broke her heart that Cadence viewed visiting her father in prison as the best birthday ever.

Hailey sent out one last text, a Hail Mary of sorts. She had tried numerous times and numerous people and each time it was rejected.

She knew she had done it to herself but it didn't make it any easier to swallow.

Donovan slumped against the wall, the letter at his feet.

His worst fears had come to fruition.

Hailey had filed for divorce and would no longer bring Cadee to visit him, she had enough. She couldn't live in limbo any longer. She was furious with him for getting into trouble, he had kept his nose clean for the vast majority of the time.

She had promised him that she would visit soon, and that they'd discuss it. He knew her mind had been made up and there was nothing he could do about it.

He fucked up one time and it cost him everything.

He had lost everything he held dear.

Kim was exhausted.

They had hit what she had coined the ' _witching hour'_.

Once it hit six o'clock her children lost their minds, it was bizarre as hell and it never failed it didn't matter what was they had going on or where they were.

Oscar became grouchy as hell, which Adam liked to blame on his name. He joked that they had set themselves up for such behavior, with a name like Oscar he was bound to be a grouch.

Even their sweet little baby got in on the act, the baby was easy to appease. As long as Kim held the baby everything was good, which annoyed Oscar and caused him to ramp up his game.

Kim was stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place.

Did she let the baby scream or did she give in to Oscar and his demand for attention? It was always easier to deal with the baby first.

The baby was definitely the squeaky wheel in this situation.

Their baby had come into the world without much fanfare, it had been a textbook delivery.

They wanted to wait until the baby was born to learn its gender and they were both overjoyed to welcome a little girl into the world.

Evelyn Marie was breathtakingly beautiful, she was a chunky thing tipping the scales at nearly nine pounds and was as bald as could be. Evelyn or Evie as she was often called was named after Kim's beloved grandmother, and her middle name was in honor of Cassie.

Adam was overcome with emotion the first time he held his baby girl and it broke Kim's heart to hear him crying. The medical staff that remained in the room had assumed his tears were happy ones, but Kim knew better.

He was happy, incredibly happy but it wasn't the reason for his tears. Not entirely anyway. It was a bittersweet moment and Kim wrapped her arms around him as best she could and leaned her cheek against his back and held on as he cried.

Kim had decided early on that they'd keep the visitors to a minimum when the baby was born, allowing them all a minute to breathe before the chaos of visitors started. She was thankful to have had made that call as Adam had been an emotional mess, having a day to themselves was exactly what they needed.

Nicole had kept Oscar for them and she had been allowed a quick visit with Evelyn while Adam took Oscar down to the gift shop to buy a gift for the baby.

Oscar wasn't sure what to make of his new sister and seemed to be more concerned about watching something on Adam's phone,

The next few weeks were a blur.

Evie was three months old and they couldn't remember what their lives were like without her.

Except now, Kim could remember their lives were quieter.

She unbuckled Evie and lifted her from the seat, "Come on little one..settle down for mommy." She spoke in hushed tones and kissed Evie's cheek softly, "I need you to go to sleep so I can spend some time with Oscar."

Kim could see Oscar in her peripheral vision and he was already pouting, his bottom lip formed the cutest little sad face, but it was the crocodile tears welling in his eyes that pulled on her heartstrings.

He was her baby boy and the bond she had with him was strong, he was very much a ' _mama's boy'_ and she hated that he felt pushed aside because of Evie.

They had done their best to keep that from happening but it was unavoidable, Evie required more from them and sometimes Oscar would have to wait. They did their best to explain it to Oscar but he didn't completely understand and he had the occasional outburst.

Right now was one of those moments, Kim knew it was pointless to speak to Oscar about it, he was clearly pissed off. She focused on getting Evie to sleep and then she'd deal with Oscar.

Kim carefully backed out of the nursery and closed the door softly, Evie was a light sleeper and even the faintest of sounds and Evie would wake up. There had been a few times Kim had wanted to strangle Adam, he struggled with being quiet although he was getting better.

Oscar sat on the floor in the living surrounded by his trucks, building blocks, and his dinosaurs, he was in the process of having a T-Rex destroy anything in its path.

Kim sat down beside him, "Can I play?"

"Where's Evie?" Oscar kept his focus on the dinosaur in his hand.

"She's sleeping." Kim grabbed a dinosaur, "what kind is this guy?" She was still in awe over his knowledge of dinosaurs, he knew their names and what they ate. He couldn't quit pronounce them all but he did a better job than most adults. He loved going to the museum to see their dinosaur exhibit, they had already been a half dozen times.

"He's a brachiosaurus." Oscar replied, "He's a herbivore. That's why his neck is so long. So he can reach the leaves on the trees."

"You're the smartest three year old I know." Kim tousled his hair.

"I'm four soon, right?"

"Yes, soon." He still had a few months to go before his birthday but she knew that before she knew it he'd be four, the days were so very long but the years were short.

"After four I will get to be five and then I can go to big kid school." Oscar couldn't wait to go to 'big kid' school, he currently attended a preschool that had come highly recommended and he loved that the school had an after school group and that he often got to hang out with the 'big kids'.

"Yes when you are five years old you can go to big kid school. How about we just enjoy being three years old for now?"

"Okay." Oscar shrugged his shoulders, he searched his bucket of dinosaurs he pulled one out and handed it to Kim, "You can be the mommy dinosaur. I'm the son one, but not a little son a big son and you're an old mommy, I protect you."

"You're so sweet Oscar" Kim pulled him into her lap and held him tight. "I love you so much."

"I love you too mommy."

Going out for drinks after work was a rarity, Adam had Kim and the kids, Kevin was in a serious relationship and while he had yet to propose to her, it was headed in that direction. Jay had even found someone and for the first time in a long time he was happy and felt secure in their relationship.

They had solved their case and needed to unwind a bit, Adam had insisted on it. It had been a rough one and grabbing a few beers was just what they needed.

He had made it clear he was in for two rounds and then he was heading home, he was returning with round two when he noticed Jay glaring at his cell phone.

"What's up?" Adam asked, "you need to go?"

"Nah, just a text. A blast from the past."Jay shrugged, as he debated if he should respond.

"Sounds ominous." Adam handed him a beer, "Can I ask who it is?"

"Hailey." Jay waited with bated breath, she wasn't one of Adam's favorite subjects.

"What the hell does she want?" Adam was perplexed. He hadn't heard from her since shortly after Cassie's death. They spoke briefly around the first anniversary of Cassie's death but that had been it.

Jay had heard from her a few times over the last six months or so, they had exchanged a handful of texts, and met up for a drinks once. She had filled him in on what she had been through and he felt bad for her.

"She okay?" Adam asked.

"She's filing for divorce." Jay quickly corrected himself, "I don't know all the details. I don't want to know to them."

Adam knew the dickhead had been as dirty as the day was long and that he was rotting away in a federal prison, and he couldn't think of someone more deserving. He didn't feel for the kid though, she was Cassie's sister and he knew it had to be hard for her.

"It's about time." Adam replied, never understood how Hailey was able to stay with him. "She sniffing around you?"

"No."

"You've got a good woman. One who isn't a cop, one who doesn't have baggage and for some reason she's into you..don't fuck it up."

"Not happening." Jay finished his beer, "I'm calling it a night, I wanna get home to that good woman of mine." He grabbed ahold of Adam's shoulder, "We are lucky men, Adam."

"Indeed we are." Adam nodded his head in agreement.

Kim promised Oscar that he could fall asleep on the couch and as soon as Adam got home he would carry him to bed. As Oscar slept, Evie sat content in her seat and gnawed on her fist while Kim worked on her current case and made sure she had all her ducks in a row for court.

She was so immersed in the file that she didn't hear Adam come in, and was startled when she felt his warm breath on her neck, "Jesus...you scared me." She leaned into him as he kissed her neck, "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He came around the couch and leaned in for a proper kiss, "How's your day gone?" He flicked the corner of the file in her hand, "Work crazy?"

"Not really. Evie was fussy, Oscar was grumpy. I put it off until they were asleep. I'm almost done, I have court in the morning."

Adam got up and went to Evie and lifted her from her seat, "Fun." He detested court, "We closed our case." He sat beside Kim and cradled Evie in the crook of his arm, he could watch her for hours on end, "She's so cute, and happy." She smiled every time he spoke.

"She's lucky she's cute. She's wasn't smiling a few hours ago, she was pissed off." Kim closed the file and set in on the end table, she moved to sit closer to Adam almost melting into his side.

"She gets that temper from her mommy." Adam teased.

"I'm going to ignore that. How're the boys?" Kim asked, she didn't get to see Kevin and Jay as much as she'd like. It was hard getting all of their schedules to align so they could grab dinner together as a group.

She loved Kevin's girlfriend Lacey, they had hit it off from the start and she had a good vibe when it came to Jay's girlfriend Amy. She was happy both guys had found someone special, they both deserved happiness.

"Kev's good. He's happy as a pig in shit. Jay's good too." Adam laughed as Evie scrunched her face up, "he's got some drama going on though, but he's on top of it."

"Drama?" Kim asked.

"Yeah." Adam shifted Evie in his arms, "Don't worry, he didn't cause it. Hailey has been texting him. She's getting divorced."

Kim pinched the bridge of her nose, "What did Jay say?"

"Nothing really. He didn't even respond to her text." Adam explained, "I'm glad Hailey's cutting that dick loose, she never should've married him. I don't know how she could stand the sight of him." He could feel himself getting angry, he knew that anger would never go away nor would it diminish, he just knew how to keep it at bay for the most part.

Kim could feel him tense up, she knew she needed to shift the topic of conversation before Adam was consumed by rage and hatred.

"Adam baby, don't let them in your head." She took Evie from him, "She's ready for bed. I will put her down. I promised Oscar that you'd carry him to his room and that you'd tuck him in." She rubbed his back, "then I'd luck for you to tuck me in..."

"I like the sound of that."Adam kissed her, "I'll definitely tuck you in."

Kim watched as he went to Oscar and gingerly picked him up, she loved how gentle Adam was the kids. He gave them everything he had, he loved them beyond words and made sure they knew it.

He made the most out of everyday, every moment. He knew all to well that life was short, he knew that it everything he held near and dear could be ripped from him without warning.

Cadence had fallen asleep on the couch during the movie, Hailey carefully carried her to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she slept, kissing her forehead before leaving.

She had resisted the urge to check her phone while Cadence was awake and finally found the courage to check it. She felt her stomach sink when she hadn't received a reply, she didn't know why she kept doing this to herself. She couldn't deny it anymore, that part of her life was over. She needed to let it go, she needed to let them go.

They had all moved on, she needed to do the same. She scrolled through her contacts and deleted their numbers.

It was in that moment she realized that she needed to leave her past behind her and focus on the future and it terrified her.

Kim lazily ran her hand across Adam's bare chest, "Adam..."

"Kim..." He grabbed her hand and kissed.

"I'm happy." She looked up at him, "I'm so very happy."

"I am too, darlin'. I never thought I'd be happy again. You, Oscar, and Evie are my everything. My heart will always ache for Cassie that will never change, but my life has meaning again. You've given me that. I love you, I will always love you."

 _ **Seems all I do is apologize, this took longer than it should have as well but it's finally finished. Thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and following my 'stories' it's been a fun ride for sure**_.


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